Is your guy stepping out on you? Does he not seem like the person you once knew? If you have your suspicions, it might be time to pick up a copy of Is He Cheating?by Lisa Daily.
Part of Daily's Surviving Infidelity in Marriage series, Is He Cheating? provides tips and advice on how you can discover if your significant other is being unfaithful. The statistics are scary: 85% of women who suspect their partner is cheating are right and 70% of affairs begin at work.
In this useful resource, the author shares the character traits of men more predisposed to cheating, teaches you the signs he's cheating, and shares what tools you can use to help find out and ways to deal with the shame that often comes with being cheated on.
I read this more out of curiosity than concern and, honestly, I would never think to go to some of the lengths suggested in Is He Cheating?...mainly because I am way too cheap to spend any money on gadgets, tests, and private investigators. That said, if you are concerned and want insight into some good ways to learn the truth, Is He Cheating? is a great book.
My favorite part would have to be the letters from other women who are going through the same fears as you are. The author includes her responses, which allows you to see she is a down-to-earth individual seeking to help others. I like her sense of humor too. As a writer, I thought this book could also be used for research purposes if one of your characters is a cheater or one of them is trying to nail a cheater. Sometimes I think outside the box.
At only $4.99 for Kindle right now, you can't really go wrong.
File Size: 423 KB
Print Length: 112 pages
Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
Publisher: Siesta Key House; 1 edition (April 24, 2012)
Publication Date: April 24, 2012
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B007WSJKWM
The author provided me with a free digital copy of this book through Pump Up Your Book. This review contains my honest opinions, which I have not been compensated for in any way.
I read this book for the following challenge:
Eve
Picquette has been looking for love, joy and fun all her life. Along the way
she has had lots of experiences - some with more fun than others! A licensed
attorney, she served as director of risk and quality management at hospital
corporations in California and Arizona for thirty years. She is also a
certified NLP life coach, matrix, EFT and Angel Therapy practitioner. Eve Picquette
received her MSN in community mental health at Vanderbilt University,
Nashville, Tennessee, and her Juris Doctor from the University of California,
Davis.
I am a voracious reader and book
lover. I am probably one of Amazon.com’s best customers! I am
interested in many things – but most of all having a light and happy heart and
enjoying my life. I believe we spend far too long trying to do things, required by others, that do not increase our happiness. I am working on
making sure I don’t make those mistakes again!
Where did you grow up?
I was born in North Carolina, but
grew up in Central California.
When did you begin writing?
As an attorney, I have always
done a lot of writing. However, I didn’t start out to write a book.
I wrote some short guides about relationship issues that I was planning on
giving away on my website. Those sheets became the basis for my book and
just developed from there. Once I had the pictures of the angels painted,
the book took on a life of it’s own.
Do you write during the day, at
night or whenever you can sneak a few moments?
I wrote most of my chapters in
one sitting. I have words just wanting to jump on the page. Then I
revise, add quotes and experiences every time I re-read the chapter. It
is hard to ever be done writing.
What is this book about?
I believe that angels have
inspired the ideas that work for us, down through the ages. The book
contains some of those ideas that work. I wanted to live the Prayer of
St. Francis – “…let me sow love… where there is darkness, light….” I wanted to
feel happy and have happy relationships – but I was not. As an attorney,
I always feel like there is an answer. These are the 10 practical Shift Keys
that opened my heart and made a real difference in my life and relationships.
What inspired you to write it?
The thought that so many of us
want to be loving, but mistake being a martyr and over-giver with having an open
loving heart. I also wanted to share some simple shifts that can be made
to exponentially increase happiness and peace in anyone’s
life.
Who is your biggest supporter?
I have an amazing daughter, all
grown up now. She always encourages me, as I hope I have encouraged
her! She is one of my greatest inspirations to live with an open heart.
Who is your favorite
author?
I love the emotional depth of the
fiction written by Mary Balogh and Carla Kelly.
Do you have a website and/or blog
where readers can find out more?
You are invited to visit my
author page - https://www.amazon.com/author/eve-advisorisin,
Facebook at AdvisorIsIn and my website at AdvisorIsIn.comwhere I offer advice and techniques to help you open your heart for the
happiest relationships and life, as well as Free Angel Readings and other gifts
– click on Angel Messages!
Do you have a video trailer to
promote your book? If yes, where can readers find it?
Yes, it will be on my Amazon.com
author page above, and on my website home page.
What is the best investment you
have made in promoting your book?
I am working with Dorothy
Thompson, of Pump Up Your Book; it has been a great experience!
What is up next for you?
I am working on my
next book, which is about some “dark night of the soul” traps that others and I
have experienced. It details how to climb out of those experiences, whole
and lighthearted.
Is there anything you would like
to add?
I appreciate all your wonderful
readers – have a great day!
After more than 20 years in the military and 16 in a corporate environment, Charles Johnson found another calling in life. In both the Air Force as well the many companies he founded or worked in, Charles managed and mentored diverse teams across Europe, Asia and North America. But he wasn’t your typical corporate manager.
Charles always focused more on the whole person and how to help those who worked with and around him find balance and achieve both personal and professional success. He found that he was helping people not only get well-deserved promotions or the financial recognition for their work, but he also helped them identify and realize what makes them happy.
Helping others create a life and a lifestyle where their happiness is a priority and life balance is the primary goal became Charles’ new life work. He became a certified life coach and author and has dedicated himself to helping single people find and select the right life and marriage partners and make it last.
Surrounded by three sisters and eight female cousins, Charles had a significant female influence growing up. With the knowledge he gleaned from that experience, he spent the last 25 years coaching and mentoring hundreds of single professionals and up-and-coming, career-minded men and women -- including his own four daughters. He found himself providing guidance to help these otherwise successful individuals improve their personal confidence by updating their image, polishing their social skills and providing insight into the art of establishing and maintaining relationships.
Charles has connected and helped hundreds of couples find marriage or committed partners and coaches them on how to make relationships last. He has been married for more than 33 years and three of his four daughters are now married.
Charles has found happiness and balance in his own life as well, pursuing his passions as an avid traveler, photography enthusiast, art collector and a supporter of various charitable causes. He enjoys basketball, football and tennis. His greatest passion is writing about hope and how people can achieve their dreams and still have a balanced and complete life.
Please tell us about your current release.
For the millions of singles around the world who have struggled to find the right one or to maintain a lasting relationship, my book, How to Find the Right One & Make it Last, provides a tutorial on the lost art of dating. How to Find the Right One and Make it Last: Bring Love and Romance Back to Dating offers practical advice for both men and women about how to initiate interaction as well as how to respond in various dating situations. In addition to the book, I created a website, http://www.AskCharlesJohnson.com, where my readers can have easy access to relationship advice and personal coaching at any time. I have been officially and unofficially helping clients and colleagues find personal success. Over the years, I have developed a proven set of principles and concepts that have helped singles looking for love not only find their ideal life partner, but also to keep the relationship fresh and thriving. Over the years, I have watched my colleagues work incredibly hard to achieve professional success, but often struggle to find that same level of success in their personal lives. By applying the same discipline from their professional development to fine-tuning their dating skills, these colleagues transformed their lives and found the personal fulfillment that had previously been so elusive. My book provides step-by-step guidance starting with how an individual can make small changes in their personal style and appearance or to their daily routine to improve the odds of finding their ideal partner. I walk readers through the first call, planning the perfect date, and what to say and do on the date. Everything first starts with a clear idea of what each individual is looking for – as well as what they’re not – to provide a guide along the way. The principles don’t stop once a match has been made. The book provides advice for nurturing relationships for the long run. By walking readers through the seven phases of relationships, I explain how and why they change over time and how to keep them growing strong.
I draw on personal experience, primary research, and the stories of more than 500 singles I’ve connected and 118 who I’ve helped marry and continue to help. I’ve have peppered their stories throughout the book to highlight the principles in action. Also included is a chapter to help unravel the mystery of Internet dating sites. I outline practical guidance on how to get the most out of the Internet dating site as well as what to be weary of when using the various sites.
Can you tell us about the journey that led you to write your book?
As a corporate senior executive, I had the responsibility of taking new young talent and developing them into executives. For 15 years, I groomed hundreds of men and women in the boardroom and taught them the principles that would help them achieve all their professional and financial goals. I was honored and enjoyed mentoring them and watched their careers grow. But, I discovered, as my successful executives matured they would turn to me for guidance in their personal lives. Most of them who were in their early 30’s had achieved all their financial goals but lacked a personal life and wanted someone special with whom they could share their life. Many of them had been so focused on building their professional skills that they lacked the social and personal skills required to connect with someone special. That was the beginning of my unofficial matchmaking business. Over the years, I mentored my up and coming executives and helped them first determine what to look for in a partner and then helped them execute a plan of action. I would run social scenarios and conduct role-play to help them become more confident in social environments. I’ve worked with over 500 people and been able to connect and help marry 118 couples. And, to this day I continue to help the couples to keep their relationship alive and fresh. When I left the corporate world five years ago, many of the people I mentored and their friends still called for guidance. I decided to write a book that would help everyone in similar situations to give them a starting point to change their personal life and give them a road-map to How to Find the Right One & Make it Last.
Can you tell us about the story behind your book cover?
I wanted to have the book cover to convey an emotion in people. We wanted the book cover to convey passion and we chose the burnt orange as the color for the cover of the book because it’s the color of fire.
What book on the market does yours compare to? How is your book different?
I cannot think of a book that is anything like the book I’ve written. In my years of mentoring and matchmaking I found that there was nothing in the market that gave single people practical tools and a step-by-step guide in how to find the right person and make their relationships last. I found that many professional adults needed to learn the skills and gain the confidence that would improve their dating prospects and I don’t believe there is anything in the market to help them. That’s part of the reason I decided to write the book. Finding the right person that will be a life partner is a process and no author has ever written about that process.
What would you say is your most interesting writing quirk?
I am a retired Air Force and senior vice president from the corporate world. My writing style and quirk is my ability to write in a very conversational and relatable manner.
Open your book to a random page and tell us what’s happening?
I’m on page 32 where I describe how one can meet quality people by taking a dance class. People always wonder where they can meet new people who can be potential partners. I always tell my clients to change their routine. One way to do that is to take a dance class in your local community college or dance studio.
Do you plan any subsequent books?
I am currently working on a workbook that will be an extension of How to Find the Right One & Make it Last! I am also working on a teen book based on a similar topic.
Tell us what you’re reading at the moment and what you think of it?
I am re-reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. The book gives people great insight into how they can change their life and make it the life they always imagined. It helped me re-invent my life and myself after leaving corporate America. Using the principles in Hay’s book, I have been able to take my experience from my military and corporate life and show people how to be successful in their personal lives and relationships.
Paperback
Price: $19.95
Publisher: Two Harbors Press
ISBN: 9781937928445
Pages: 272
Release: April 24, 2012
While most books for singles tell readers how to get the next guy, When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton is Empty encourages a healthy healing process. Practical and biblically based, each chapter guides the reader through a metaphorical day of restoration. Twilight recognizes and deals with endings, night validates and grieves the loss, dawn awakens hope, and day is the new beginning based on the solid assurance of Christ.
Chapters conclude with discussions questions for individual or group study, helpful Bible verses, and a prayer.
Wild Hope: Finding Courage and Strength in Times of Transition by Jackie M. Johnson
Life is constantly changing. In fact, much of living is about beginnings and endings. You graduate from high school or college, and start a new job. You leave your current job and look for another one—or start a business, or go on unemployment. Maybe military service or marriage takes you from one part of the world to another, and you have to start all over again. Some changes we choose—others choose us.
So if change is a given, how do we adjust? For some, making life transitions is smooth, and for others it’s rocky and staggered. Hard things happen. Sometimes we lose people or things we treasure. But how we handle change—or don’t—will make a huge difference in the next stage of our lives.
I’ve heard that Chuck Swindoll says, “It’s not always what happens to you, it’s how you respond to it that makes a difference.”
For example, when you end a significant relationship, you may feel a hundred different emotions. Your reaction could vary, from a snarly, “What a jerk!” to a disillusioned, “I really thought this would go somewhere.” to a despondent, “How am I going to get over him?” You’re sad, angry, hurt, and confused. Some days you just want to sob with your two new best friends, Ben and Jerry, and their ridiculously good frozen treats.
So then what? You can choose to ignore your pain, and hope it will just go away. You can numb out with a temporary fix like excessive eating, drinking, shopping or partying, and when that’s done you still feel awful. Or, in the midst of your pain and darkness, you can look to the light of God’s truth for hope, healing and wholeness. Either way, it’s your choice.
I’ve discovered that a lasting solution to getting through transitions or hard times is to look to the words and ways of Jesus Christ. His solutions are soul-nurturing, and He has the power to make real changes in your circumstances and your emotions. I think it’s worth examining.
First, invite Him into your process and ask God to help you through. Just talk to Him like you would talk with a friend, and pour out your heart. Ask Him for the power to get through the changes--and to know Him better through it all. Here are a few things that Christ gives us when we need hope.
Comfort. When temporary solutions to soothe your pain have left you stranded, you can always count on “the God of all comfort.” He is near. And He has a huge, compassionate heart. In fact, He “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4)
Wisdom. In times of transition, you usually have a lot of decisions to make and myriad emotions floating in your head. What should you do? What is right or wrong? That’s where wisdom and discernment come in. Proverbs 2:6 reads, “For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Ask, and He will give you wisdom and guidance.
Power to forgive. Maybe someone has hurt you and you’re angry. What is binding you—bitterness, resentment, or offense? When you release your vice grip hold and choose to forgive, you will find freedom and peace.
Because He has first forgiven us, Christ commands us to forgive others. Jesus himself said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matt. 6:14, 15)
Forgiveness is not forgetting about what happened. It doesn’t mean you condone what happened, agree with it or like it. You are not letting the offender off the hook; you’re putting them on God’s hook, and trusting God to deal with it fairly because He said He would. He ensures justice is served. “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19) Also, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to hang out with someone who’s hurt you. Use discernment to guard your heart and stay away from a person who’s harmed you.
Courage to hope. Hope presses on and looks ahead. It’s confident trust in the reliability of God’s promises. If God said it, then He will come through—in His ways and in His timing. He keeps His promises, all of them, all the time. That, my friend, is Wild Hope. We read in Psalm 25:4, 5, “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”
Christ can help you dealing with your endings, to let go of the pain and hold on to hope. So when the winds of change blow, you won’t break. You will stand strong.
Jackie M. Johnson is an accomplished author and freelance writer who has a passion for helping people who’ve experienced brokenness. Her first book, Power Prayers for Women has sold almost 200,000 copies. A Milwaukee native and graduate of Trinity International University, Jackie lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Her latest release is When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton is Empty.
One out of two marriages ends in divorce in the US. Couples applying the communication skills in Heart Magic, are not merely “lucky in love” they are prepared to be harmoniously together for a lifetime. You can too!
Discover the 8 characteristics found in lasting marriages. Learn basic, “do’s and don’ts” to get along, build trust and a strong joyful partnership. Personal case histories included.
"It's Not Just About Finding 'Mr. or Ms. Right': Heart Magic Principles Help You Keep the Love You Find" by Maria Andrade
It is certain that finding the right partner is essential for a loving relationship. Yet, we have long held certain beliefs in our society, which don’t help us keep love once we find it! The divorce rate in America reflects this truth. One out of two marriages fail. Here are some beliefs we must change. The first goes like this.
“I want to find the right person. Someone who will love and respect me.”
This sounds like a reasonable desire. Yet, No.1 of the “8 Select Heart Magic Principles,” in my book, Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well, states that finding or keeping a loving and respectful partnership is based on whether we love and respect ourselves.
There are three areas where self-respect and love of self are reflected. We see it in how we take care of our mind, our body and our spirit. In terms of the body, we can see it by whether or not we eat a healthy diet, whether we rest and sleep well and whether or not we get enough exercise. As regards to our minds, self-love is shown in the amount of peace we feel and create around us. Are we able to control negative thinking, control anger, let go of past hurts, keep learning and growing in awareness? The better job we do in caring for our body and minds, the more our spirits will be at peace. A healthy partner will be more successful at creating an environment in which love and partnership thrives.
The second belief, which hampers the art of loving, revolves around the topic of romance.
“Romance only occurs in the courtship period. You can’t expect it to continue for ever.”
This is love heresy! It is a myth, which is not always verbalized but often apparent when couples begin to take each other for granted. They may no longer prioritize time for being together. Affection starts to wane. They may give more of their attention to work, study, their children, extended family, friends or their hobbies, the TV or computer, rather than to each other. This diminishes romance and brings alienation in partnership. In many cases it creates bickering, because like children if we can’t get the positive attention from someone we love, we tend to get that attention through conflict.
This is why No. 2 of the Heart Magic Principle is that for love to survive you must prioritize your relationship. This keeps romance alive no matter how many years go by. How do people fall in love with each other? The answer is they spend quality time together. They express how much they appreciate one another with affectionate words and actions. So it is essential that partners continue to spend quality time, to share their day, their thoughts and feelings, an enjoyable moment, an opportunity to give physical or verbal expressions of affection. Our lives are built moment to moment, so when loving couples look back on their years together those years are filled with intimacy and valuable experiences shared. This is why such partners can feel the power of love for each other and romance thrives no matter how much time has passed!
A third belief, which must be changed for love to endure, states, “All we need is love.”
If this were actually true, marriage would not be the kind of crapshoot it seems to be in our country. One of the most important principles in my book is that we must have preparation in order to be educated in how to be good partners. More and more people agree, because they are seeking to learn healthy communication habits and skills to resolving conflicts productively, before they live together. In my book, they are described as the “Dos and Don’ts of Relating”. If we are truly devoted to having a happy life and a peaceful world, what better place to begin than under our own roof!
I believe more people in our society will fulfill their dream of having a loving and happy home once these beliefs I have mentioned become a thing of the past. I am happy to say that in the past 25 years, I have seen a greater change in consciousness precisely in that direction and I hope my book will continue to be of help to people in that regard! Thank you. I have enjoyed being with you.
Maria J. Andrade, M.S. M.F.T., is a psycho spiritual therapist and poet. She was born in Ecuador, South America and raised in New York and California. In 1989 she was initiated in Andean Shamanism by Amazonian and Inca medicine healers of Peru. She uses poetry, stories and ceremony in her work. Her poetry and articles on social justice has appeared in the nationally awarded winning, bilingual newspaper, “La Oferta Review” and “Vistazo” San Jose, California as well as in “La Opinion” Newspaper, Los Angeles.
Maria is a social and human rights activists who helped establish organizations such as Habitat for Humanity in Pomona, CA and FACTS (Families to Amend California’s Three Strikes Law) Los Angeles Chapter. She worked with Peace and Justice, a political activists group based in La Verne, CA and for 25 years served on the Board of the Carl Jung Society of Claremont as Program Coordinator gathering speakers and programs which bring transformative visions for the new millennium. She is founder of the “Heart Magic” workshops based on her book Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well. This book focuses on important fundamental principles and communication techniques for sustaining a loving and lasting partnership.
She lives in California and has a private counseling practice with her husband Sy Cohn. You can visit her website at www.magicunion.com.
Tired of ordering in Thai food and watching a Netflix on Saturday nights? Don’t despair. Finding true love isn’t impossible as long as you view the entire world as one big singles bar. Walking your dog, practicing yoga, riding mass transit, buying a book, even visiting a friend in the hospital can lead to the woman of your dreams.
Critically-acclaimed novelist/playwright Gary Morgenstein provides the romantic roadmap!
Using his own battle-scarred experiences as a divorced man along with many years “spinning” as a public relations specialist, Morgenstein takes men (and women eager to go inside the mind of a guy) on a step-by-step comic and erotic guide to love and sex.
From making eye contact, dazzling opening lines, online etiquette, younger and older women and how to conduct yourself on a date to what goes into a successful relationship (in and out of the bedroom), How to Find a Woman…Or Not is a riotous, poignant and indispensable blueprint for passion and commitment
“I DON’T HAVE TO ARGUE WITH YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY WIFE” by Gary Morgenstein
The first date I had after my marriage broke up was with this very foxy late 40s woman, off the nerve.com dating service, at an Indian place on East 6th Street in Manhattan. Here we were, sipping wine and dipping Nan in chutney. For all I knew, there were many middle-aged men at adjacent tables dripping rivers of sweat down their shirts on their first date in more than 25 years. Pale expressions, gaunt looks, notes scribbled on the inside of the sleeve, do you still bring flowers/candy/Mateus Rose/exactly what do I do on a date?
A date. What the hell was a date? That thing you get dressed up for, but without the wife crowding you in the bathroom and criticizing your choice of shirt/socks/pants. Where you get dressed alone and then meet at a bar or, even more terrifying, pick them up at their apartment. A strange woman’s apartment filled with strange foreign objects like lamps and windows and end tables. Where they have dangerous traps like a couch and bed and you’re expected to dance and kiss and, as for sex, well…
Then deciding where to eat, having no knowledge of their prior eating habits, what might anger them.
What, are you crazy offering me a shrimp when you know I’m allergic and it could kill me? You think you’re getting anything now?
A date. A great deal like March Madness, one mistake and you’re eliminated, back to Boise, baby.
Yeah, I was terrified that night. I’d recently quit smoking. After learning my marriage was kaput, my friend Vicky explained women don’t like to kiss smokers. Hmm, let’s see, tongue or addiction, which wins? Got that monkey off my back in a few days. I swallowed several tic-tacs, took deep breaths and prayed for guidance.
I mean, do you act as if they’re a friend or colleague at work? Is that how you charm a woman? Just talk, be smart and witty, hopefully the hammering of the heart won’t lead to cardiac arrest. Somehow I remembered turning blue wasn’t a turn-on.
If I remembered. Even in college and post-grad, I wasn’t exactly a stud muffin. Okay, I had my triumphs, which I ascribed more to delusional behavior on the part of the woman, greatly aided by alcohol and Quaaludes. But now I have gray hair. My jawline isn’t exactly taut. I keep myself in shape with weights and yoga, but no six-pack. Maybe one Bud Light.
Suave I never was. Nor rich nor powerful nor famous. No Jack Nicholson snapping his fingers courtside. Plus I’m a Republican living in New York. I do have a few things going against me.
Yet here I was. She laughed at my jokes and looked at me a certain way. I think it’s called with sensual interest. That was in retrospect, mind you, because I was just hanging on the ropes, babbling and throwing down wine like they’d just found three spots on my lung. Somewhere between the aloo chat and the tandoori chicken she suddenly reached across the table and squeezed my hand. Course, she needed a bath towel to wipe away the perspiration, but a strange woman had tenderly touched me. What would my wife say? Wait, I didn’t have a wife anymore. I was alone. Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Outside on a frigid January night that made icicles shiver, she tongued me up and down East 6th like a vacuum cleaner to a dirty rug amid cries from passing cars of hey, get a room. She slipped my hand under her down jacket and then under her sweater and then under her blouse. Just before I lost feeling in my fingers, I touched the top of another woman’s breast.
In addition to How to Find a Woman…Or Not, Gary Morgenstein’s books include the novels Loving Rabbi Thalia Kleinman, about a divorced man who falls in love with a beautiful woman rabbi; Jesse’s Girl, a powerful story about a father’s search for his adopted teenage son, and Take Me Out to the Ballgame, a political baseball thriller, as well as the baseball Rocky The Man Who Wanted to Play Center Field for the New York Yankees. His prophetic play Ponzi Man played to sell-out crowds at the New York Fringe Festival. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, surrounded by lots of books and rock and roll CDs.
Gary Morgenstein’s HOW TO FIND A WOMAN…OR NOT VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR ‘10 runs from February 1st to Feb. 26th. You may follow his tour each weekday by visiting http://virtualbooktours.wordpress.com/.
The journey through Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage includes a trip through history, where the most significant lessons civilization has learned over the last few thousand years are used to demonstrate not only the way to set up a positive relationship, but the causes of that relationship turning negative.
Additionally, Kellis dives into the science of psychology to answer the most basic question anyone asks who goes through the pain of divorce, “why didn’t we work out”?
The basic premise of the book is that we have a 50% divorce rate yet there doesn’t appear to be anything happening to help solve this problem. Just because divorce has become a significant part of our culture doesn’t mean we should simply sit back while countless families suffer through the agony of splitting up.
The toll to society tomorrow because of our culture of divorce today is impossible to determine but future generations will have to deal with this change to the culture that has occurred over the last two generations.
For the first time in history Kellis elaborates on a psychological solution to our psychological problems so that couples can learn how to change the direction of their negative relationships. In essence, the psychological objective is to understand what happens mentally between two people who make one of the most important decisions of their lives, to get married.
The objective of this book is to provide real, logical help to couples so they can learn how to stay out of the divorce trap. The bottom line is to learn how to set up your relationship so that you can maintain a happy, healthy, harmonious, loving, affectionate, intimate marriage.
Tim's Turn:
How math helps make relationships work?
Almost without exception, observed the great 20th Century philosopher Bertrand Russell in his exhaustive study of the history of Western philosophy, modern Platonists “are ignorant of mathematics, in spite of the immense importance Plato attached to arithmetic and geometry, and the immense influence that they had on his philosophy”.
As it turns out math provides the foundation to not only science, but philosophy and psychology. What Bertrand Russell is saying here is modern thinkers in the field of philosophy have forgotten logic as the basis for thought. I am extending this thought to include the psychology industry, for as it turns out psychology has been misplaced as an educational tool. Psychology, as an extension of the psychiatry industry, has been brought up as an extension to the medical field.
Consequently, because of Freud’s biology theory, the focus of therapy is almost exclusively the research of not only the brain, but also the emotional side of our mental lives. The basic component of therapy is referred to as “cognitive behavioral therapy” where clients of therapists discuss feelings behind the behavior within the relationship, and completely leave out the logical side of our mental lives.
And this is the fundamental basic reason why modern psychology has not been able to solve the marriage problem. My joke is of the 100 books that went into the research for my book, all were non-fiction, with the lone exception of the relationship books. No we are not from different planets, despite the success of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. There is no logic to that concept, but that concept permeates relationships today.
The key to solving the relationship problem is by using our logical mental lives to solve our relationship problems, even the emotional side of our psyche. And math provides the foundation for logic. No the answer isn’t as simple as a math problem, but the philosophical notion that we can think through our mental problems. This is the point that Betrand Russell is making with his statement. Math can provide the foundation for solving our relationship problems, not literally but philosophically.
After a successful career that eventually landed him on Wall Street, Tim Kellis met what he thought was the girl of his dreams, only to see that relationship end with bitterness and anger. The journey included work with a marital therapist, and after he discovered the therapist wasn’t really helping decided to tackle the issue himself.
Ambition and a strong aptitude for math helped lead Kellis to discover how to make relationships work. His math skills led directly to an engineering degree, nine years in the telecommunications industry, an MBA in finance, and finally on to Wall Street, where he became the very first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.
After publishing a 300-page initiation piece entitled "Initiating Coverage of the Semiconductor Industry: Riding the Bandwidth Wave", Kellis became a leading semiconductor analyst at one of the biggest firms on Wall Street. The experience he gained as a Wall Street analyst provided an excellent backdrop for becoming an expert on relationships, and resulted in his relationship book entitled Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage.
While normal people are giving away Christmas themed books during November, I love Christmas and all my books set around Christmas way too much to part with them. So, this month I will offer you a way to help improve your relationships instead.
About the book:
Relationship Magic: The Secret to Happily Ever After helps couples realize that long-term marital bliss does not “just happen” and that “happily ever after” is possible when couples learn to treat each other with respect, honor, and trust.
All couples go through phases in their relationships, but frequently they do not recognize and address them due to poor communication skills. Using a set of tools in parable form, Denkin teaches couples to stop negative thinking based on childhood patterns of experience and communicate their expectations to their partners in a loving, respectful manner. Based on Imago Relationship Theory, Relationship Magic illustrates for couples how to mirror their partner’s words in order to increase empathy.
Relationships bring out unconscious behavior learned in childhood. Prince James and Princess Cinda take you into their lives and show you how you too can develop lasting love. Acquiring an awareness of your reactions can help you and your partner feel loved rather than rewounded by old childhood issues.
About the author:
Edythe Denkin, PhD, is a Certified Marriage Counselor. Her most recent book, Relationship Magic, is a set of tools in parable form for those wanting to keep or rekindle the love and communication in their relationships. Dr. Denkin understands that “Happily Ever After” does not just come naturally. It takes communication, honesty, and empathy. This book is based on her work with Imago Relationship Theory.
The host of “Catch Your Kids Doing Things Right,” a four-part television series in which she taught many of her techniques to a wide audience, she has been trained and certified as an Imago Relationship Therapist by Dr. Harville Hendrix, best-selling author of Getting The Love You Want, et al.
Edythe is also the author of Why Can’t You Catch Me Being Good?, a best-selling book from Adams Media that shows how to raise self-confident and well-behaved children.
Edythe has embraced a spiritual quest and a personal calling to help people find their childhood triggers and help them reclaim their emotional freedom and happiness.
A graduate of Temple University, Denkin began her career as an Elementary School teacher. She went on to receive her Masters Degree in Elementary Education from the University of Bridgeport, and her PhD from Walden University. She has over thirty years experience as a therapist and relationship expert, specializing in marriage and child therapy, and is also a teacher, coach and motivational speaker. She is a member of the Institute For Relationship Therapy and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Denkin was recently honored by the University of Bridgeport with a Most Distinguished Alumni Award.
Now for the rules:
You must comment here with your working email address so that we can contact you.
If you blog about this contest, leave a comment here, telling us where you are blogging about it for an additional entry!
Contest ends on November 30th. The winner will be announced on this blog on December 1st.
Mirroring is one of the major concepts of Imago Relationship Therapy, and is extremely helpful in developing a deeper, more understanding commuication between couples. Feeling heard and understood by your partner is a basic necessity for keeping your love new, refreshed, and constantly growing. It is definitely a major path towards deep understanding communication.
The other major concepts of Imago Relationship Therapy include summarizing, and empathizing. They can best be seen in the relationship between Princess Cinda and Prince James described in the book, "Relationship Magic". They are shared in detail while the story demonstrates how these concepts helped bring love, respect, and warmth back into the couple's relationship after it was on the brink of divorce.
Mirroring is exactly what the name implies, it is a way for you to let your partner know that you have listened to them and that you understand them. It opens the lines of communication by breaking down the barriers to communication, such as being defensive and/or taking things personally. Let me explain that in more detail.
Many times when our partner expresses their needs, wants or opinions to us we have the tendency to perceive their expression as an "attack", a criticism or a judgment. These are unconscious reactions that are related to our unresolved childhood wounds. We have been taught that expression of one's feelings is intended to harm us in some way. As you can imagine, when we are taught this, our reaction to expression is one of defensiveness in order to protect ourselves and our egos.
As adults, we have to teach ourselves that expression is not intended to harm but to help. It is designed to promote change, compromise and understanding. The first step in this process is to practice mirroring.
For example, if your partner says to you "When you talk to me in a demeaning tone, I feel like I am a child again getting scorned by my father". Rather than unconsciously reacting by getting defensive and saying "I don't talk to you in a demeaning tone" or "You talk to me like I am a child also", you can mirror your partner by saying "I listened to what you said and what I heard was that when I talk to you in a demeaning tone, you feel as though you are getting scorned by your father like you did when you were a child. Is that correct?" Your partner can then respond by affirming or by correcting you. If you have heard it wrong, you continue to mirror until your partner affirms that what you have said is correct. The dialogue can then continue without defensiveness and with an understanding of your role in the issue as well as your partner's role.
Can you see how mirroring can help you to truly understand what your partner is trying to express to you? Practice this in your mind and notice how you feel less defensive, notice how you feel more open and focused, more in the moment. You are dealing with the issue at hand, the current feelings and state of mind, not reliving the past or predicting the future.
Practice mirroring with your partner, your friends, your children and see the difference. Feel free to email me if you have any questions and I will do my best to help you. I can be reached through my website.
You can find out more about Imago Relationship Therapy in Edythe's new book, Relationship Magic that is available at Amazon.com.
The RELATIONSHIP MAGIC VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR '08 will officially begin on June 1, 2008 and continue all month long. If you would like to follow Edythe's tour in progress, visit http://www.virtualbooktours.wordpress.com/ in June. Leave a comment at any of her blog stops and become eligible to win a free copy of her book! One lucky winner will be announced at her tour page on June 30!
This virtual book tour has been brought to you by:
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