It's Not Just About Finding “Mr. or Ms. Right” by Maria Andrade, Author of Heart Magic

Today's guest blogger is Maria Andrade, author of Heart Magic : Keeping Love Alive & Well.

Love needs help!

One out of two marriages ends in divorce in the US. Couples applying the communication skills in Heart Magic, are not merely “lucky in love” they are prepared to be harmoniously together for a lifetime. You can too!

Discover the 8 characteristics found in lasting marriages. Learn basic, “do’s and don’ts” to get along, build trust and a strong joyful partnership. Personal case histories included.

"It's Not Just About Finding 'Mr. or Ms. Right': Heart Magic Principles Help You Keep the Love You Find" by Maria Andrade

It is certain that finding the right partner is essential for a loving relationship. Yet, we have long held certain beliefs in our society, which don’t help us keep love once we find it! The divorce rate in America reflects this truth. One out of two marriages fail. Here are some beliefs we must change. The first goes like this.

“I want to find the right person. Someone who will love and respect me.”

This sounds like a reasonable desire. Yet, No.1 of the “8 Select Heart Magic Principles,” in my book, Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well, states that finding or keeping a loving and respectful partnership is based on whether we love and respect ourselves.

There are three areas where self-respect and love of self are reflected. We see it in how we take care of our mind, our body and our spirit. In terms of the body, we can see it by whether or not we eat a healthy diet, whether we rest and sleep well and whether or not we get enough exercise. As regards to our minds, self-love is shown in the amount of peace we feel and create around us. Are we able to control negative thinking, control anger, let go of past hurts, keep learning and growing in awareness? The better job we do in caring for our body and minds, the more our spirits will be at peace. A healthy partner will be more successful at creating an environment in which love and partnership thrives.

The second belief, which hampers the art of loving, revolves around the topic of romance.

“Romance only occurs in the courtship period. You can’t expect it to continue for ever.”

This is love heresy! It is a myth, which is not always verbalized but often apparent when couples begin to take each other for granted. They may no longer prioritize time for being together. Affection starts to wane. They may give more of their attention to work, study, their children, extended family, friends or their hobbies, the TV or computer, rather than to each other. This diminishes romance and brings alienation in partnership. In many cases it creates bickering, because like children if we can’t get the positive attention from someone we love, we tend to get that attention through conflict.

This is why No. 2 of the Heart Magic Principle is that for love to survive you must prioritize your relationship. This keeps romance alive no matter how many years go by. How do people fall in love with each other? The answer is they spend quality time together. They express how much they appreciate one another with affectionate words and actions. So it is essential that partners continue to spend quality time, to share their day, their thoughts and feelings, an enjoyable moment, an opportunity to give physical or verbal expressions of affection. Our lives are built moment to moment, so when loving couples look back on their years together those years are filled with intimacy and valuable experiences shared. This is why such partners can feel the power of love for each other and romance thrives no matter how much time has passed!

A third belief, which must be changed for love to endure, states, “All we need is love.”

If this were actually true, marriage would not be the kind of crapshoot it seems to be in our country. One of the most important principles in my book is that we must have preparation in order to be educated in how to be good partners. More and more people agree, because they are seeking to learn healthy communication habits and skills to resolving conflicts productively, before they live together. In my book, they are described as the “Dos and Don’ts of Relating”. If we are truly devoted to having a happy life and a peaceful world, what better place to begin than under our own roof!

I believe more people in our society will fulfill their dream of having a loving and happy home once these beliefs I have mentioned become a thing of the past. I am happy to say that in the past 25 years, I have seen a greater change in consciousness precisely in that direction and I hope my book will continue to be of help to people in that regard! Thank you. I have enjoyed being with you.



Maria J. Andrade, M.S. M.F.T., is a psycho spiritual therapist and poet. She was born in Ecuador, South America and raised in New York and California. In 1989 she was initiated in Andean Shamanism by Amazonian and Inca medicine healers of Peru. She uses poetry, stories and ceremony in her work. Her poetry and articles on social justice has appeared in the nationally awarded winning, bilingual newspaper, “La Oferta Review” and “Vistazo” San Jose, California as well as in “La Opinion” Newspaper, Los Angeles.

Maria is a social and human rights activists who helped establish organizations such as Habitat for Humanity in Pomona, CA and FACTS (Families to Amend California’s Three Strikes Law) Los Angeles Chapter. She worked with Peace and Justice, a political activists group based in La Verne, CA and for 25 years served on the Board of the Carl Jung Society of Claremont as Program Coordinator gathering speakers and programs which bring transformative visions for the new millennium. She is founder of the “Heart Magic” workshops based on her book Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well. This book focuses on important fundamental principles and communication techniques for sustaining a loving and lasting partnership.

She lives in California and has a private counseling practice with her husband Sy Cohn. You can visit her website at www.magicunion.com.

Female Friendship by Barbora Knobova, Author of Tales for Delicious Girls

Today's guest blogger is Barbora Knobova, author of Tales for Delicious Girls.

What’s in a word? Anything you want there to be! D for daring, E for enchanting,
L for loving, I for inspiring, C for captivating, I for intriguing, O for outgoing, U for unique, S for sophisticated: DELICIOUS.

Twenty-five exhilarating real-life stories about delicious women, eccentric men and stubborn dogs.

This book is meant to entertain you. It will make you laugh until there are tears in your eyes. It will become your faithful companion, and will help you find yourself. It was written for you because you’re delicious – the most delicious girl in the world.

Tales for Delicious Girls offers witty, refreshing, clever and ironic insight into relationships between men and women from all points of view. The book is a modern relationship manual, providing answers to the most pressing dating and friendship questions that strong, independent, modern women want to know. Tales for Delicious Girls deals with wishes, desires and dreams – as well as hilarious mishaps and dating disasters.

However, Tales for Delicious Girls is not simply a humorous book. In addition to entertaining the readers, the tales will inspire women to think about their own life and relationships, see themselves through different eyes and realize that they are their own best friend, the pillar of their own life, and the only person they can always count on. Tales for Delicious Girls encourages women to love, respect and appreciate themselves, to live the life they have always wanted, and become aware of their true uniqueness and deliciousness.

Tales for Delicious Girls contains over fifty beautiful, original illustrations by Nela Vadlejchova

"Female Friendship: Fragile, Tricky And So Necessary" by Barbora Knobova

My book, Tales for Delicious Girls, deals with many aspects of relationships that we women have. Our relationships with men, the relationship we have with ourselves, and last but not least, our relationships with other women.

At the end of one of the chapters about female friendship, Why Women Compete With Women, I say: "I do believe that women should simply stick together. Our lives are complicated enough, full of obstacles, trouble with men, with kids, with parents, with the world around us. Every day we have to fight, strive, prove something to somebody. That's why we should pull together. We don't necessarily have to love each other, we don't always have to agree, but we shouldn't try to trip each other up and hurt each other only because we're not always happy with ourselves and because sometimes things just don't go our way. We should trust ourselves and each other and listen more. Life in our female pack would be much happier then."

Yes, female friendship is tricky. It can be very deep and very honest but also very treacherous and even toxic. Nevertheless, I very much believe in the importance of female friendship and its bond. I think women should back each other up. They shouldn’t be competitive, envious, jealous and malicious. They should rise above their petty disputes because female solidarity and loyalty are one of their greatest powers.

Well, in a perfect world all this would be true but what about the world we live in? How to deal with the doubts, questions and insecurities brought about by the complex labyrinth of female friendships? And how can you know that your Best Friend is your Real Friend?

1. She is there for you. Now I don’t mean small talk over a cup of latté every other week or shopping for vintage clothes. You know that your Best Friend is your Real Friend when you can dial her number at two in the morning to ask for help or to simply cry on her shoulder and she won’t be bothered by your late night call. She is there for you when you need her most because she is sensitive to your moods, to the look in your eyes and to your gestures, and she knows you so well that she can sense when something is wrong. Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on absolute and unconditional trust.

2. She is happy for you. We all have our ups and downs. Sometimes we are on top of the world and sometimes we hit the rock bottom. You know that your Best Friend is your Real Friend when she is able to be happy for you even if her life is not going as well as yours. She doesn’t envy you, she’s generous and your happiness is hers. Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on mutual empathy.

3. She tells you the truth (even if it hurts). We all make mistakes but sometimes we don’t want to admit them. And sometimes we don’t even want to be reminded of them. You know that your Best Friend is your Real Friend when she’s not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how harsh it is and no matter how much it may upset you. Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on straightforward honesty.

Now let’s get back to the three paragraphs and have a look at the last sentences: Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on absolute and unconditional trust. Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on mutual empathy. Your Best Friend is your Real Friend when your friendship is based on straightforward honesty.

Unconditional trust. Mutual empathy. Straightforward honesty. The three pillars of friendship. Look for them if you are not sure whether your Best Friend is your Real Friend. And remember to love and cherish your female pack because real friends never let you down.



Barbora Knobova is a writer, love coach and expert in Delicious Life. A world traveler, she is one of those rare world citizens who live everywhere and nowhere. Barbora is a firm believer in female friendship, loyalty and bonding. She writes hilarious, sharp-witted, caustically apt, ironic, moving, true books for strong, independent, smart, fearless women. Barbora has also written several self-improvement books and teaches women about the importance of self-love in relationships and life in general. Barbora speaks eight languages and has found her home away from home in New York, London and Milan. She is always on the move, accompanied by her beagle Brinkley, the nasty dog from her new book Tales for Delicious Girls.

Visit the author online at http://www.barboraknobova.com

How Math Helps Make Relationships Work by Tim Kellis

Today's special guest is Tim Kellis, author of Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage.

The journey through Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage includes a trip through history, where the most significant lessons civilization has learned over the last few thousand years are used to demonstrate not only the way to set up a positive relationship, but the causes of that relationship turning negative.

Additionally, Kellis dives into the science of psychology to answer the most basic question anyone asks who goes through the pain of divorce, “why didn’t we work out”?

The basic premise of the book is that we have a 50% divorce rate yet there doesn’t appear to be anything happening to help solve this problem. Just because divorce has become a significant part of our culture doesn’t mean we should simply sit back while countless families suffer through the agony of splitting up.

The toll to society tomorrow because of our culture of divorce today is impossible to determine but future generations will have to deal with this change to the culture that has occurred over the last two generations.

For the first time in history Kellis elaborates on a psychological solution to our psychological problems so that couples can learn how to change the direction of their negative relationships. In essence, the psychological objective is to understand what happens mentally between two people who make one of the most important decisions of their lives, to get married.

The objective of this book is to provide real, logical help to couples so they can learn how to stay out of the divorce trap. The bottom line is to learn how to set up your relationship so that you can maintain a happy, healthy, harmonious, loving, affectionate, intimate marriage.

Tim's Turn:

How math helps make relationships work?

Almost without exception, observed the great 20th Century philosopher Bertrand Russell in his exhaustive study of the history of Western philosophy, modern Platonists “are ignorant of mathematics, in spite of the immense importance Plato attached to arithmetic and geometry, and the immense influence that they had on his philosophy”.

As it turns out math provides the foundation to not only science, but philosophy and psychology. What Bertrand Russell is saying here is modern thinkers in the field of philosophy have forgotten logic as the basis for thought. I am extending this thought to include the psychology industry, for as it turns out psychology has been misplaced as an educational tool. Psychology, as an extension of the psychiatry industry, has been brought up as an extension to the medical field.

Consequently, because of Freud’s biology theory, the focus of therapy is almost exclusively the research of not only the brain, but also the emotional side of our mental lives. The basic component of therapy is referred to as “cognitive behavioral therapy” where clients of therapists discuss feelings behind the behavior within the relationship, and completely leave out the logical side of our mental lives.

And this is the fundamental basic reason why modern psychology has not been able to solve the marriage problem. My joke is of the 100 books that went into the research for my book, all were non-fiction, with the lone exception of the relationship books. No we are not from different planets, despite the success of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. There is no logic to that concept, but that concept permeates relationships today.

The key to solving the relationship problem is by using our logical mental lives to solve our relationship problems, even the emotional side of our psyche. And math provides the foundation for logic. No the answer isn’t as simple as a math problem, but the philosophical notion that we can think through our mental problems. This is the point that Betrand Russell is making with his statement. Math can provide the foundation for solving our relationship problems, not literally but philosophically.



After a successful career that eventually landed him on Wall Street, Tim Kellis met what he thought was the girl of his dreams, only to see that relationship end with bitterness and anger. The journey included work with a marital therapist, and after he discovered the therapist wasn’t really helping decided to tackle the issue himself.

Ambition and a strong aptitude for math helped lead Kellis to discover how to make relationships work. His math skills led directly to an engineering degree, nine years in the telecommunications industry, an MBA in finance, and finally on to Wall Street, where he became the very first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.

After publishing a 300-page initiation piece entitled "Initiating Coverage of the Semiconductor Industry: Riding the Bandwidth Wave", Kellis became a leading semiconductor analyst at one of the biggest firms on Wall Street. The experience he gained as a Wall Street analyst provided an excellent backdrop for becoming an expert on relationships, and resulted in his relationship book entitled Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage.

You can visit his website at www.happyrelationships.com or his blog at http://questforthehappymarriage.blogspot.com/.