Tuesday, February 9, 2010
It's Not Just About Finding “Mr. or Ms. Right” by Maria Andrade, Author of Heart Magic
Today's guest blogger is Maria Andrade, author of Heart Magic : Keeping Love Alive & Well.
Love needs help!
One out of two marriages ends in divorce in the US. Couples applying the communication skills in Heart Magic, are not merely “lucky in love” they are prepared to be harmoniously together for a lifetime. You can too!
Discover the 8 characteristics found in lasting marriages. Learn basic, “do’s and don’ts” to get along, build trust and a strong joyful partnership. Personal case histories included.
"It's Not Just About Finding 'Mr. or Ms. Right': Heart Magic Principles Help You Keep the Love You Find" by Maria Andrade
It is certain that finding the right partner is essential for a loving relationship. Yet, we have long held certain beliefs in our society, which don’t help us keep love once we find it! The divorce rate in America reflects this truth. One out of two marriages fail. Here are some beliefs we must change. The first goes like this.
“I want to find the right person. Someone who will love and respect me.”
This sounds like a reasonable desire. Yet, No.1 of the “8 Select Heart Magic Principles,” in my book, Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well, states that finding or keeping a loving and respectful partnership is based on whether we love and respect ourselves.
There are three areas where self-respect and love of self are reflected. We see it in how we take care of our mind, our body and our spirit. In terms of the body, we can see it by whether or not we eat a healthy diet, whether we rest and sleep well and whether or not we get enough exercise. As regards to our minds, self-love is shown in the amount of peace we feel and create around us. Are we able to control negative thinking, control anger, let go of past hurts, keep learning and growing in awareness? The better job we do in caring for our body and minds, the more our spirits will be at peace. A healthy partner will be more successful at creating an environment in which love and partnership thrives.
The second belief, which hampers the art of loving, revolves around the topic of romance.
“Romance only occurs in the courtship period. You can’t expect it to continue for ever.”
This is love heresy! It is a myth, which is not always verbalized but often apparent when couples begin to take each other for granted. They may no longer prioritize time for being together. Affection starts to wane. They may give more of their attention to work, study, their children, extended family, friends or their hobbies, the TV or computer, rather than to each other. This diminishes romance and brings alienation in partnership. In many cases it creates bickering, because like children if we can’t get the positive attention from someone we love, we tend to get that attention through conflict.
This is why No. 2 of the Heart Magic Principle is that for love to survive you must prioritize your relationship. This keeps romance alive no matter how many years go by. How do people fall in love with each other? The answer is they spend quality time together. They express how much they appreciate one another with affectionate words and actions. So it is essential that partners continue to spend quality time, to share their day, their thoughts and feelings, an enjoyable moment, an opportunity to give physical or verbal expressions of affection. Our lives are built moment to moment, so when loving couples look back on their years together those years are filled with intimacy and valuable experiences shared. This is why such partners can feel the power of love for each other and romance thrives no matter how much time has passed!
A third belief, which must be changed for love to endure, states, “All we need is love.”
If this were actually true, marriage would not be the kind of crapshoot it seems to be in our country. One of the most important principles in my book is that we must have preparation in order to be educated in how to be good partners. More and more people agree, because they are seeking to learn healthy communication habits and skills to resolving conflicts productively, before they live together. In my book, they are described as the “Dos and Don’ts of Relating”. If we are truly devoted to having a happy life and a peaceful world, what better place to begin than under our own roof!
I believe more people in our society will fulfill their dream of having a loving and happy home once these beliefs I have mentioned become a thing of the past. I am happy to say that in the past 25 years, I have seen a greater change in consciousness precisely in that direction and I hope my book will continue to be of help to people in that regard! Thank you. I have enjoyed being with you.
Maria J. Andrade, M.S. M.F.T., is a psycho spiritual therapist and poet. She was born in Ecuador, South America and raised in New York and California. In 1989 she was initiated in Andean Shamanism by Amazonian and Inca medicine healers of Peru. She uses poetry, stories and ceremony in her work. Her poetry and articles on social justice has appeared in the nationally awarded winning, bilingual newspaper, “La Oferta Review” and “Vistazo” San Jose, California as well as in “La Opinion” Newspaper, Los Angeles.
Maria is a social and human rights activists who helped establish organizations such as Habitat for Humanity in Pomona, CA and FACTS (Families to Amend California’s Three Strikes Law) Los Angeles Chapter. She worked with Peace and Justice, a political activists group based in La Verne, CA and for 25 years served on the Board of the Carl Jung Society of Claremont as Program Coordinator gathering speakers and programs which bring transformative visions for the new millennium. She is founder of the “Heart Magic” workshops based on her book Heart Magic, Keeping Love Alive & Well. This book focuses on important fundamental principles and communication techniques for sustaining a loving and lasting partnership.
She lives in California and has a private counseling practice with her husband Sy Cohn. You can visit her website at www.magicunion.com.