November's Book Giveaway--Relationship Magic by Edythe Denkin

While normal people are giving away Christmas themed books during November, I love Christmas and all my books set around Christmas way too much to part with them. So, this month I will offer you a way to help improve your relationships instead.



About the book:

Relationship Magic: The Secret to Happily Ever After helps couples realize that long-term marital bliss does not “just happen” and that “happily ever after” is possible when couples learn to treat each other with respect, honor, and trust.

All couples go through phases in their relationships, but frequently they do not recognize and address them due to poor communication skills. Using a set of tools in parable form, Denkin teaches couples to stop negative thinking based on childhood patterns of experience and communicate their expectations to their partners in a loving, respectful manner. Based on Imago Relationship Theory, Relationship Magic illustrates for couples how to mirror their partner’s words in order to increase empathy.

Relationships bring out unconscious behavior learned in childhood. Prince James and Princess Cinda take you into their lives and show you how you too can develop lasting love. Acquiring an awareness of your reactions can help you and your partner feel loved rather than rewounded by old childhood issues.

About the author:

Edythe Denkin, PhD, is a Certified Marriage Counselor. Her most recent book, Relationship Magic, is a set of tools in parable form for those wanting to keep or rekindle the love and communication in their relationships. Dr. Denkin understands that “Happily Ever After” does not just come naturally. It takes communication, honesty, and empathy. This book is based on her work with Imago Relationship Theory.

The host of “Catch Your Kids Doing Things Right,” a four-part television series in which she taught many of her techniques to a wide audience, she has been trained and certified as an Imago Relationship Therapist by Dr. Harville Hendrix, best-selling author of Getting The Love You Want, et al.

Edythe is also the author of Why Can’t You Catch Me Being Good?, a best-selling book from Adams Media that shows how to raise self-confident and well-behaved children.

Edythe has embraced a spiritual quest and a personal calling to help people find their childhood triggers and help them reclaim their emotional freedom and happiness.

A graduate of Temple University, Denkin began her career as an Elementary School teacher. She went on to receive her Masters Degree in Elementary Education from the University of Bridgeport, and her PhD from Walden University. She has over thirty years experience as a therapist and relationship expert, specializing in marriage and child therapy, and is also a teacher, coach and motivational speaker. She is a member of the Institute For Relationship Therapy and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Denkin was recently honored by the University of Bridgeport with a Most Distinguished Alumni Award.


Now for the rules:

You must comment here with your working email address so that we can contact you.

If you blog about this contest, leave a comment here, telling us where you are blogging about it for an additional entry!

Contest ends on November 30th. The winner will be announced on this blog on December 1st.

Understanding How Imago Relationship Therapy Works by Edythe Denkin

Mirroring is one of the major concepts of Imago Relationship Therapy, and is extremely helpful in developing a deeper, more understanding commuication between couples. Feeling heard and understood by your partner is a basic necessity for keeping your love new, refreshed, and constantly growing. It is definitely a major path towards deep understanding communication.

The other major concepts of Imago Relationship Therapy include summarizing, and empathizing. They can best be seen in the relationship between Princess Cinda and Prince James described in the book, "Relationship Magic". They are shared in detail while the story demonstrates how these concepts helped bring love, respect, and warmth back into the couple's relationship after it was on the brink of divorce.

Mirroring is exactly what the name implies, it is a way for you to let your partner know that you have listened to them and that you understand them. It opens the lines of communication by breaking down the barriers to communication, such as being defensive and/or taking things personally. Let me explain that in more detail.

Many times when our partner expresses their needs, wants or opinions to us we have the tendency to perceive their expression as an "attack", a criticism or a judgment. These are unconscious reactions that are related to our unresolved childhood wounds. We have been taught that expression of one's feelings is intended to harm us in some way. As you can imagine, when we are taught this, our reaction to expression is one of defensiveness in order to protect ourselves and our egos.

As adults, we have to teach ourselves that expression is not intended to harm but to help. It is designed to promote change, compromise and understanding. The first step in this process is to practice mirroring.

For example, if your partner says to you "When you talk to me in a demeaning tone, I feel like I am a child again getting scorned by my father". Rather than unconsciously reacting by getting defensive and saying "I don't talk to you in a demeaning tone" or "You talk to me like I am a child also", you can mirror your partner by saying "I listened to what you said and what I heard was that when I talk to you in a demeaning tone, you feel as though you are getting scorned by your father like you did when you were a child. Is that correct?" Your partner can then respond by affirming or by correcting you. If you have heard it wrong, you continue to mirror until your partner affirms that what you have said is correct. The dialogue can then continue without defensiveness and with an understanding of your role in the issue as well as your partner's role.




Can you see how mirroring can help you to truly understand what your partner is trying to express to you? Practice this in your mind and notice how you feel less defensive, notice how you feel more open and focused, more in the moment. You are dealing with the issue at hand, the current feelings and state of mind, not reliving the past or predicting the future.

Practice mirroring with your partner, your friends, your children and see the difference. Feel free to email me if you have any questions and I will do my best to help you. I can be reached through my website.

You can find out more about Imago Relationship Therapy in Edythe's new book, Relationship Magic that is available at Amazon.com.

The RELATIONSHIP MAGIC VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR '08 will officially begin on June 1, 2008 and continue all month long. If you would like to follow Edythe's tour in progress, visit http://www.virtualbooktours.wordpress.com/ in June. Leave a comment at any of her blog stops and become eligible to win a free copy of her book! One lucky winner will be announced at her tour page on June 30!


This virtual book tour has been brought to you by: