Book Review: My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me By Ruxandra LeMay, Psy.D.

I don't know many couples who haven't struggled with this issue at some point or another: the commitment to family and career dulls the blooms on the rose and the physical relationship with our partner suffers. But who has time to commitment to reading a 250-to 300-page book about how to fix it? Now, there's a solution.

In less than seventy-five pages, My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me by Ruxandra LeMay, Psy.D. boils this topic down into what you need to do--and can do in a short period of time--to improve your relationship.

Written with authority and humor, LeMay understands what couples are dealing with because she has dealt with it too. She has taken what can seem like an overwhelming situation and gives the reader ideas they can try right away to make a difference in their relationship with their spouse.

My favorite part is how the material is presented. While acknowledging the content slants more toward women, LeMay doesn't forget how men feel about this sensitive topic. She talks to them too; making this an excellent resource for both genders. I also like that the author talks about the commitment marriage requires. Her dedication to helping couples understand each other is evident throughout the book.

I would highly recommend My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me to anyone struggling with this issue or to anyone looking to maintain a happy and fulfilling physical relationship with their spouse.


File Size: 231 KB
Print Length: 67 pages
Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
Publisher: LJAR Services, LLC (May 1, 2015)
Publication Date: May 1, 2015
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Language: English
ASIN: B00W5TXGGY

Dr. Ruxandra LeMay is a licensed psychologist in Phoenix, Arizona. After earning her undergraduate degree in Business Management, she spent 15 years in the corporate business world. While working with numbers and negotiating contracts, she realized that she enjoyed working and motivating co-workers with different personalities and different ways of doing things. She liked working with people, helping them focus on their strengths, and mediating communication with their management or conflict with peers. It was during this time, she decided to dive into the world of psychology. She went back to school and earned her Master’s and Doctorate degrees in Clinical Psychology.

During her formal training, she continued with her interest in relationships, this time in family and couples’ therapy: pre-marital education, marriage counseling, and post-divorce mediation. In addition, she worked with adults and adolescents struggling with addiction, anxiety, and mood disorder related issues. Last but not least, as she became a wife and mother, women’s life concerns became another topic of interest. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, ante- and post-partum challenges, low sex drive, and parenting have all been at the forefront of her study for the last ten years.

She has a very direct and practical style. Therapy takes time and money. They are both valuable and she does not want to waste your time or your money. She wants to offer the most effective recommendations that you can implement right away so you can feel immediate relief from whatever it is that you are facing. Her book, blogs, and therapy are all a reflection of her belief that even small changes, if they are the right ones, can make a big difference in someone’s life.

Her latest book is the nonfiction/psychology/self-help book, My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me: The 2-Minute Solution for a Happier Marriage.

For More Information

• Visit Dr. Ruxandra LeMay’s website.
• Contact Dr. LeMay.

I received a free copy of this book from the author through Pump Up Your Book. This review contains my honest opinions, which I have not been compensated for in any way.

I read this book for the following challenge:

Guest Blogger: How to Improve Your Relationships with Wise Speech by Dr. Ron Alexander, Author of Wise Mind, Open Mind

Today's guest blogger is Dr. Ron Alexander, author of Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose & Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss & Change.

In his groundbreaking book, Wise Mind, Open Mind pioneering psychotherapist, Dr. Ronald Alexander shares his innovative program for using mindfulness meditation, creative thinking, and positive psychology to transform times of crisis or change into opportunities for greater personal awareness, clarity, and creativity. His original three-step plan includes, learning to let go of resistance to change, learning to tune in to your soul’s deep wisdom or core creativity; and then learning how to move forward based on your newly acquired insight.


How to Improve Your Relationships with Wise Speech


Adapted from Dr. Ronald Alexander’s new book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change (New Harbinger Publications, 2009)

Recently there has been a great deal of media focus on Mel Gibson’s abusive outbursts against his girlfriend. As a psychotherapist working with couples and families I know that there are always two sides in any relationship although no one has the right to verbally or physically attack another individual. Even though directing angry and hurtful words at another is not necessarily life threatening the emotional wounds they create can be just as deep as physical abuse.

From both a Buddhist (non violent) and a healthy psychological view, if you have an unwholesome intention and are consciously choosing to manipulate or hurt others, you’re limiting your own capacity for change and stunting the creative unfolding of your own life. Your energy is being wasted on the futile effort of trying to force the external world to conform to your vision. The mental and emotional effort required to maintain these actions is enormous. Having wise intention is more than merely ethical; it’s necessary for psychological well-being and clear thinking.

The greater our facility with language, the more tempting it can be to try to control situations through our words. Insults and sarcasm can dominate and intimidate others, and someone who’s very verbally gifted may use these techniques to manipulate others in a subtle or not-so-subtle way. Gossip unfairly gives us power over others. Left-handed compliments designed to make someone doubt himself and feel weak, or carefully constructed insults designed to humiliate another person while preventing him from recognizing that he’s being ridiculed publicly, are common weapons in the arsenal of one who doesn’t exercise wise speech.

Wise speech requires mindful attention to the power of your words and the messages underneath them. Recognize that your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language matter, and drop any defensiveness that arises in you when someone points out the discrepancy between the literal meaning of your words and the message you’re sending with your eyes, crossed arms, or disrespectful tone.

Direct, honest communication even if it’s uncomfortable is vital if you want to have more productive and respectful conversations. Often, I’ve counseled executives who had no idea just how intimidating or disrespectful they were when speaking to employees. When in a panic, they tended to respond with aggressive speech meant to frighten others into changing their behavior in order to placate upper management. This approach shuts down productive communication, reducing the manager’s ability to see the larger picture, make better decisions, and effectively influence his or her team. Good leaders carefully hone what they say, mindfully expressing themselves.

When we cultivate wise speech, we don’t fear saying something wrong. However, we’re more attuned to the quality of our words and their effect on others. We speak up and say, “You seem upset by what I just said. Have I hurt your feelings?” inviting the other person to let go of his suffering. Wise speech fosters good relationships and partnerships and prevents future crises.

Sometimes, we should speak up in order to influence someone to change, but wise speech requires that we do so kindly and respectfully. Although it may seem well meaning, being blunt or tactless with another is unkind and usually motivated not by a genuine desire to help that person but by the need to feel superior and be intimidating. Wise speech is gentle, never cruel or harsh. It enhances the situation by inviting everyone to improve it instead of shutting down the communication process.

To speak the truth respectfully, you must let go of your desire to pressure others into doing what you want. At some point, you may discern that no matter how often you say the same thing with kindness, honesty, and compassion, you’ll never affect the other person the way you’d like. Part of wise speech is letting go of your attachment to having your words change the way others think, feel, or behave.

But not only do we need to be conscious of the words we say to others but also the ones we direct at ourselves. Despite their popularity in our culture, cynicism and pessimism have been shown to be poor tools for creating a sense of well-being, although they may provide an illusory sense of power for a short time. The cynic who claims, “I know the system isn’t set up to allow people like me to achieve my goals,” isn’t empowered but trapped in an unwholesome state of mind where his only choices are anger, sadness, and other unwholesome emotions. There can be no true joy or contentment in believing that what lies ahead will, in all certainty, generate more suffering.

Often people who are verbally abusive have the personality diseases of insecurity, inferiority, helplessness and hopelessness. When I’m coaching or counseling my clients I teach them is how to become mindfully aware of their unwholesome emotions so instead of being completely immersed in an experience that they’re unwittingly manipulating, they’ll experience a sense, however fleeting, that they’re doing something unwholesome. An uncomfortable thought such as, “I’m trying to make him feel guilty so that he does what I want him to,” or “I ought to let her know that I disagree, but it’s easier for me to say yes and work behind her back to do what I really want” may arise. Instead of quickly dismissing it, they allow themselves to experience any guilt or shame that arises. Then they consciously and bravely explore why they feel the need to resort to manipulation and control. This discovery process gives them the strength to accept the situation exactly as it is, even if they don’t like it, and use positive means to influence it for the better.

Wise speech has nothing to do with how cleverly we can use words to hurt or intimidate others and establish our power. It requires speaking with honesty and respect for the listener and ourselves, and trusting that a wholesome interaction will lead to a positive outcome.

Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of the widely acclaimed book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change. He is the director of the OpenMind Training® Institute, practices mindfulness-based mind-body psychotherapy and leadership coaching in Santa Monica, CA, for individuals and corporate clients. He has taught personal and clinical training groups for professionals in Integral Psychotherapy, Ericksonian mind-body healing therapies, mindfulness meditation, and positive psychology nationally and internationally since 1970. (www.openmindtraining.com). For full details about the Wise Mind, Open Mind virtual blog tour, visit http://bookpromotionservices.com/2010/09/08/wise-mind-open-mind-ronald-alexander/

The Culture of Excess by Jay Slosar

In the wake of buckling markets, banks knocked to their knees, and massive amounts of presumed wealth revealed as the product of self-deception and breathtaking criminality, an age of indulgence has dramatically impacted American life. Economically, we understand how it happened, but why it happened is more of a mystery. What psychological factors fueled the years of excess and, more important, how do we refocus ourselves for a more rational, self-controlled future?

As J.R. Slosar shows in this urgent, sometimes startling volume, the nation’s fast-and-loose approach to money was, in fact, a symptom of a more widespread pattern of excessive behavior. In The Culture of Excess: How America Lost Self-Control and Why We Need to Redefine Success, Slosar portrays an America where the drive to succeed and the fear of missing out manifested itself not only in self-entitled corporate fraud, but in everything from sharp rises in obesity and cosmetic medical procedures to equally troubling increases in eating disorders, panic attacks, and outbreaks of uncontrollable rage.

Illustrating its thesis with numerous vignettes and case studies, The Culture of Excess is the first book to assess the impact of economic and social factors on the nation’s psychological well-being. It shows how capitalism, technology, and media interact and become additive factors in the loss of self-control, and it explains how the compromises made in adapting to intense economic competition lead to a false sense of self and reality. Narcissism, productive narcissism, psychopathy, rigidity and self destruction, perfectionism, the illusion of success, and identity achievement all come into play as Slosar diagnoses the psychological drivers behind this indulgent age, offering his prescription for helping “Generation Me” become “Generation We.”

Read the Reviews!

“Jay Slosar gives us the benefit of his years of clinical and teaching experiences with people who reveal just how firmly we live in an age of excess. Wonderfully written, The Culture of Excess not only discusses how we got to this point, but offers insights on how to change course. Individuals, parents, decision-makers, and others will come to see how we might turn ‘Generation Me’ into ‘Generation We,’ and create a better world in the process. This is an important book.”

Elizabeth Loftus, PhD

Distinguished Professor, University of California-Irvine

Past President, Association for Psychological Science

“Dr. Slosar offers an in-depth psychological analysis and understanding of the forces shaping our popular culture. He reaches the troubling conclusion that we are in an age that applauds excessive self absorption and devalues a community spirit. His insight into the psychosocial conflicts that are unfolding in the 21st century breathes new meaning into that ancient, Talmudic query about the relationship between self and others: If I am not for myself, who is for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? This work is timely and wise.”

Richard Lettieri, PhD

Clinical and Forensic Psychologist

Training and Supervising Psychoanalyst, Newport Psychoanalytic Institute

Faculty, New Center for Psychoanalysis

Jay Slosar, Ph.D., is the author of a provocative new book The Culture of Excess: How Americans Lost Self-Control and Why We Need to Redefine Success (ABC-CLIO, LLC, November 2009). For the past quarter-century he has run a successful private practice as a licensed psychologist and has provided direct clinical and consulting services in a variety of diverse settings. Currently, Dr. Slosar is also an adjunct assistant professor at Chapman University in Orange County, California. He also provides forensic evaluations from court referrals, specializing in evaluating teenagers.



Dr. Slosar has worked and consulted for many companies and organizations, including: Health and Human Services Group, Young Life Enrichment Program, Family Solutions, Western Youth Services, Villa Millard Facility, and the Dawson Education Foundation. The services provided included: counseling, psychological evaluations, program design, staff training, and conflict resolution.

He also has served as the administrative clinician for a federal contract in the delivery of an employee assistance program for federal law enforcement employees and their families. Over six years, he was responsible for all clinical and administrative needs for an $8 million federal contract which included providing training/education workshops in the areas of stress management, trauma response, supervisory management, domestic violence, and workplace violence. He co-directed the critical incident response services for operational and non-operational traumas. He has completed certification in critical incident response training from the American Red Cross and the National Organization for Victim’s Assistance.

Dr. Slosar has written and published professional materials and articles, including a staff training manual for residential treatment services. He has also presented a paper at the FBI Quantico training facility on perfectionism and its relationship to suicide in law enforcement personnel.

Since 1985 he has taught in both the psychology department and the health services department at Chapman University as an adjunct assistant associate professor.

He was the president of the Orange County Psychological Association in 2004 and is a past board member of the California Coalition of Ethical Mental Health Care, a San Francisco-based group that promotes the ethics and integrity of mental health-care delivery services. Dr. Slosar was on the board of directors for the California Psychological Association in 2006 and 2007. He is also a Board Member of the California Association of Psychology Providers (CAPP).

Dr. Slosar received his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, earned his Master’s Degree from Wichita State University, and received his Bachelor’s Degree from Jacksonville University. He resides in Newport Beach, California. For more information, please consult www.cultureofexcess.com.

The Impact of Mental Illness on the Family by Stella Mazzucchelli

Our guest blogger is Stella Mazzucchelli, author of Silk Flowers Never Die: Love, Death, Mental Illness and Courage in an Internationally Renowned Family.

Silk Flowers Never Die is an important and intensely personal memoir, powerfully showing with humanity and humor, the difficulties that exist for any family trying to cope with schizophrenia and mental distress. In a compelling story that reveals how much stranger than fiction fact is, Stella Mazzucchelli describes her determination to preserve her son from the worst effects of mental illness, while his young wife is dying of cancer.

In the process of trying to rise to these challenges, Stella is transformed from a beautiful, over-protected Society woman with alcohol issues, to an impressive, courageous earth-mother who now campaigns to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness by using her privileged position to positive effect. This moving book is informative on a host of subjects, ranging from the lifestyle of the International Super-Rich to the profundities of facing terminal illness and mental disease. Due to its intelligence, insight, and compassion the appeal of this amazing story and struggle should be universal.


IMPACT OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON THE FAMILY by Stella Mazzucchelli

The impact of mental illness on the family varies. The person that is most influenced is the closest member of the family, which is usually the mother. Can any mother turn a blind eye to their child's suffering? Not that I know of. Being an on-going condition, the mother has to come to terms to live on a daily basis with a heart wrenching, mind debilitating illness that never lets go. Initially there is the shock as most people do not have the faintest clue what schizophrenia represents, only the violence we hear over the media. Due to society's ignorance and brushing the subject beneath the carpet, we automatically think that our loved one might turn into a dagger throwing killer. It does not take long to realize that nothing really changes in our child except the torment, the voices, the hallucinations and his escape to a fantasy world which can sometimes be very cruel. After the initial shock subsides we then have to affiliate ourselves with the invisible demon that torments our loved ones mind, try to understand it's function, how to beat it, how to buffer the suffering it causes. After that stage, which I can assure you is complicated and tedious for the strongest, we have to then hide behind the 'stigma'. Having to deal with the 'stigma' is maybe the most difficult of all. It isolates and degrades us. As I can do nothing to contribute towards a cure, I can at least campaign against its reputation, that is why I have written my book and donated my proceeds to the U.K. based charity SANE.

Stella Metaxa Mazzucchelli was born in Athens, Greece and married, aged eighteen, Riccardo Mazzucchelli, the famous Italian businessman. During their twenty-two year marriage, they lived in Zambia and London, where she became a well-known figure on the social scene, and had a brief and successful modeling career at the unusual age of 28. Fedele is their only child. After their divorce, Riccardo married Ivana Trump in 1995, though the marriage was short lived. Stella now lives in Athens where she brings up her granddaughter Katerina. As well as being involved in the property and renovation business, which ensures she maintains connections with London, she is also a tireless campaigner for the better understanding of schizophrenia and mental illness. Silk Flowers Never Die is her first book.

You can find Stella online at www.dynastypress.co.uk and at her blog www.dynastypress.co.uk/news.html.

Daughter of Narcissus by Lady Colin Campbell

Daughter of Narcissus: A Family's Struggle to Survive Their Mother's Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a stunning analysis by Lady Colin of her own dysfunctional family positioned at the heart of upper class Jamaican society from the middle of the 20th century to the present day. Covering the end of the British Colonial Age and the rise of a liberated generation, whilst addressing the narcissistic personality of her mother, the author brilliantly interconnects the sociological, political and personal. As she dissects the family dynamics lying beneath the appearance of wealth and power, Lady Colin’s understanding of personality disorder is revelatory: compelling the reader to comprehend the destructive and tragic reality concealed by rational language and behavior.

Set against a backdrop of glamour, wealth and fame, this compulsive book is both a fascinating history of one socially prominent family, and a uniquely detailed analysis of narcissism, its manifestations and how to survive them in order to lead a purposeful and affirming life.


Lady Colin Campbell is a highly successful and prolific author of several books, including London and New York Times bestsellers, and has been a prominent and often controversial figure in royal and social circles for many years. She perhaps is best known for her international bestselling book Diana in Private, 1992, and her subsequent extended and revelatory biography of the Princess of Wales, The Real Diana published in 2004. She has written books on the Royal Family, been a long term columnist and appeared numerous times on TV and Radio as an experienced Royal Insider and expert on the British aristocracy. In 1997 she published her autobiography, A Life Worth Living, which was serialized in The Daily Mail. Born in St Andrew, Jamaica, she was educated there and in New York, where she lived for seven years. She is connected to British royalty through common ancestors and marriage. She has two sons and lives in London.

You can visit her publisher online at www.dynastypress.co.uk.

To see where Lady Colin Campbell stops next, visit http://virtualbooktours.wordpress.com/.

The New IQ by David Gruder, Ph.D. - Book Review

When I first requested to review The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves You, Your Relationships, and Our World, I thought it would be about restoring moral integrity to the world. I had no idea what Integrity Intelligence was; and even the back cover blurb and author's introduction didn't prepare me for what I found within this book's pages.

The New IQ discusses our 3 Core Drives: authenticity - living in accord with our deepest, truest selves; connection - how much connection do I co-create with others; and impact - how much positive impact do I have on my world.

Dr. David Gruder uses case studies and personal examples to show how being out of integrity with one of your three core drives impacts you and others. More than that, however, The New IQ shows how undigested childhood experiences--traumas we have not dealt with--impact us as adults.

While not a big surprise, I found Gruder's discussion on the survival plans children put in place when they aren't receiving what they need from their parents, and how rather than digest these childhood experiences, these adults continue to be in survival mode, particularly interesting and engaging. Gruder also brings up Energy Psychology--a topic I became familiar with when reviewing The Genie in Your Genes: Epigenetic Medicine and the New Biology of Intention by Dawson Church. Gruder believes that Energy Psychology could provide "rapid, reliable and lasting" help with removing personal baggage.

The New IQ also covers the 7 WisePassions: teachability, self-care, discernment, harvesting, power, synergy and stewardship. Gruder spends time providing details on each of these WisePassions.

With his conversational style, Gruder has written a book that many will find helpful. It is also good to read about what the author has learned about himself through his clients. Included additional resources allow the reader to continue her study on Integrity Intelligence.

I eagerly anticipate Dr. Gruder's next book!


Title: The New IQ
Author: David Gruder, Ph.D.
Publisher: Energy Psychology Press
ISBN: 978-1-60415-013-1
SRP: $17.95 (U.S.)