Let’s Talk About Tickling is an honest, straightforward discussion about tickling. Discover the many different aspects of tickling—the fantasies, the realities, the many paradoxes of the tickling fetish and how to come to terms with ones own sensuality.
A refreshing and very welcome find, Let’s Talk About Tickling is for anyone who wishes to expand their awareness of tickling and other related fetishes. This book will be of great interest to anyone who wants to get in touch with their sensual self, whether they have a tickling fetish or not.
Author Veronica Frances offers her readers the chance to improve their relationships in and out of the bedroom by shining a light on the powerful significance of tickling. She reminds us that tickling is not merely the whisper of a feather on the flesh. It is an echo that calls us from deep within, beckoning us to listen and respond.
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Busting The Constant Laughter Myth
By Veronica Frances
This chapter
will deal with busting the constant laughter myth that many people believe
exists when it comes to tickling. Laughter is important and often desired by
the lee and the ler, but that does not mean that laughter is
always the default response to tickling.
This dilemma is
a big part of the fantasy versus reality issue that lies deep within the
complex walls of the tickling fetish.
First of all,
here is one myth I must blow to smithereens. Just because somebody loves to be
tickled and craves it like a chocoholic craves chocolate, does not mean that
they are extremely ticklish, even if they want to be more than anything. They
are turned on by tickling and terribly aroused by it. They may be quite
ticklish. They may even laugh a good deal of the time. But in reality, they may
not be quite as ticklish as they are in their very own fantasies, or as the lees
are portrayed in tickling videos.
There are
several reasons why this could be. They could become less ticklish as they get
older. They may have less nerve sensitivity on certain parts of their body.
Parts of them that used to be very ticklish may have become less ticklish over
time. I often wonder if the brain somehow protects people who were tickled a
lot as children or young adults. I wonder if people become somewhat
desensitized to tickling over time. I sometimes wonder if tickling is a drug
that becomes addictive mentally, but doesn’t work as well physically over time.
A friend of
mine mentioned something interesting to me. He suggested that when a fetishist
becomes overly obsessed with the thing they most desire, they become
desensitized to it when it finally happens to them in reality. In the case of
tickling, isn’t it possible that the highly obsessed tickle-fetishist has been
fixated on their fantasies for so long that there is no possible way reality
could ever live up to the fantasies?
How much the lee
laughs while being tickled is not an accurate measure of how deep their love of
tickling runs. The tickling fetish is a psychological response to loving
tickling. Laughter is a physical response to being tickled. They are not really
the same thing. A person can love tickling, but not be a big laugher. A person
can laugh uncontrollably while being tickled, but hate tickling with a passion.
Tickling is a sensation that causes many responses, some of which are
psychological rather than just physical. The physical responses vary, according
to many different factors.
Another reason
for the laughter’s unpredictability could be that some people respond to
tickling in accordance to their moods. Different moods lend themselves to
different tickling experiences. It could also be dependent on circumstances,
such as how comfortable the lee is and what the relationship is between
the people involved. It could also have to do with health, how tired a person
is, how their blood sugar runs, how much stress they are under, or maybe they
had stomach surgery and are not as ticklish on their midriff as they used to
be. There are multiple reasons why a lee might not laugh as much as
expected while being tickled.
It can be very
disheartening and frustrating for the lee when they realize they just
simply are not that ticklish after all, or that they are unable to respond with
extreme laughter. They realize they are sensitive to the sensations, but it
just doesn’t make them laugh as much as they would like. The lee
sometimes finds themselves wanting to laugh more, and for the tickling to make
them respond the way they believe that they should, either because of how
ticklish they used to be, or because they have seen many tickling videos, or
have heard from others that laughter is expected in order for the tickling to
be any fun.
Sure, I can
understand it being a boring tickling experience if the lee does not
respond at all, but if the lee responds with arousal and a big smile on
their face and if the tickling makes them feel good and releases their stress,
then the tickling experience is working its magic the way it’s supposed to.
So, that silly
black and white assumption that the non-laughing lee is not ticklish is
rubbish. They are just responding to the tickling however their body and mind
allows them to.
Let’s get one
thing straight. Tickling is fun, no matter how much or how little a person
laughs. Sure, it is wonderful hearing somebody laugh and getting that
hysterical response from a ticklish person, but the extreme arousal of that
person is just as wonderful, if not more sometimes. Often, the arousal will eventually
lead to laughter anyway, especially if the lee is properly caught off
guard by a very patient ler.
Getting back to
this laughter dilemma, isn’t it entirely possible that a tickle fetishist might
find themselves less ticklish than originally believed, or less ticklish than
they would truly like to be? How can the real-life experience possibly live up
to the enormity of those larger than life fantasies? Those fantasies can
actually tease and torture a tickle fetishist until they have to self-stimulate
to get any relief. That is often no laughing matter for the struggling
tickle-fetishist.
Speaking of the
arousal factor, let’s talk about how arousal can actually affect a person’s
laughter while being tickled, as well as possibly affect their level of
ticklishness.
The
non-laughing lee might simply be so aroused by the tickling that they
can’t see straight. They are so aroused that they will gladly surrender and
willingly raise their arms to receive tickling. Tickling feels very intense and
erotic to them. It can feel strange and awkward, in a good way. The strange
awkward sensation makes them want to respond and really doesn’t give them much
choice as to how they respond.
There was one
woman who expressed to me that tickling was extremely enjoyable to her, but she
never seemed to laugh a lot during her experiences. She laughed quite a bit at
times, but she was not a consistent laughter. She would become aroused and very
excited, but sometimes the arousal actually prohibited the laughter from coming
out.
I understand
what she meant. If a person is so turned on by tickling, the arousal often
trumps the laughter. If you do not laugh throughout the entire tickling
experience, it does not mean that you are not ticklish. If you jump while
fingers suddenly poke your sides and writhe while those same fingers trace your
sides and underarms, you are still quite ticklish. If you smile and jump around
while being tickled, you are also ticklish.
The woman also
told me she had met up with a man she was hoping could be a tickle buddy. She
needed and wanted to be tickled and she also had the desire to experiment with
some light BDSM. The man she was meeting was dominant and most definitely a ler.
They met at a
wine bar and started talking and getting to know each other. She soon realized
that this man would be expecting her to laugh constantly while being tickled.
He liked getting that extreme laughter response from his lees. When she
told him that she didn’t always respond to tickling by laughing, it seemed to
dampen his enthusiasm a bit. They ended up going their separate ways, but she
felt it was for the best and that any man who tickled her would have accept her
multitude of responses, as well as embrace them with an open mind.
As I have said
and this woman obviously agrees, there is not one set response to tickling. It
is not written in stone that a person has to laugh while being tickled.
Everybody is different in the way they respond to tickling. Tickling causes
such a large array of responses. There is anything from moaning, screaming,
sudden orgasm, writhing with no sound, purring like a kitten, converting to a
child, laughing in silence when it gets too overwhelming for sound even to come
out, relaxation, strong sexual feelings followed by constant smiling, little
giggles that come out sporadically, and maybe even sudden large bursts of
laughter that come suddenly and without warning. I have even heard that some
people feel so emotional when being tickled that they actually cry. If tickling
is taken to the extreme, I have heard it can cause dizziness, lightheadedness
and breathing issues. It also can cause panic, pain and hyperventilation in
some people. That is why safewords are so important, so as to avoid the more
unpleasant effects of tickling.
One of my favorite
responses to tickling is snorting. Many people snort after a while when they
laugh. Many people snort in response to tickling. They just can’t help
themselves and it is a delightful response indeed, although it can tend to
embarrass the helpless lee.
Another
response is a delightful and sometimes very overwhelming feeling of euphoria.
Tickling can cause people to feel high. It can often feel like floating on air.
Sometimes it can feel like walking on a tightrope. The poor lee
struggles to maintain their balance as the ler’s tickling fingers touch
certain places, causing the lee’s balance and security to falter. The ler
doesn’t care as they force the lee to respond to the tickles and lose
their control. The poor lee feels as if they are dissolving into their
very own responses. An experienced ler will get a response out of the lee,
even if it is not always laughter. When an experienced ler decides that
their lee will respond, then the lee will respond, as they twitch
and moan with ticklish agony. Laughter may have very little to do with it at
that point.
I recently saw
a tickling video where a female dominatrix tickled her poor male lee
nearly to death. He moaned and grunted, writhing uncontrollably and quickly
losing control of his erection. He was aroused and tortured by the tickling and
his very own responses. But, I didn’t hear much laughter in this video. He
struggled against his restraints and his gag ball did little to tame his
intense responses. The poor man hardly laughed at all, but was terribly
ticklish and aroused to the point of orgasm.
What are some
of the other reasons why laughter might not come out as much while a lee
is being tickled? Well, another good reason is the ability of the lee to
turn arousal into intense and very deep relaxation. I have discussed in
previous chapters about tickling and relaxation. Some lees actually
master the art of tickling and relaxation, sometimes to the point of being able
to control the laughter.
Some lees
can relax into the sensations and do not lose as much control in terms of the
laughter, but still lose control in many other ways. They might not laugh as
much because they are so incredibly tuned into their bodies that they can
actually take in all the tickling sensations and process them as something
blissful, emotional and yes, maybe even relaxing. However, if they are tense,
tired or moody, or if they are caught off-guard or not feeling quite as
grounded, they might feel the laughter welling up inside them and have no
choice but to finally laugh in ticklish agony as their ler tickles them.
A smart ler will take advantage of those times. Some lees are so
sensitive, making them emotional and empathic, feeling every single tickle so
intensely. Often, their laugher is internal and can eventually become external
with the help of a kind and patient ler.
Let’s imagine a
female lee who doesn’t laugh constantly while being tickled. Imagine her
being tickled on the bottoms of her feet. She can feel the tickles very
intensely as the fingers scratch up and down her soles, over and over again.
The fingers scratch, dance, wiggle and caress the lee’s very ticklish
foot. Her foot thrashes around helplessly. So, where is the laughter?
The smile on
her face is the laughter, as well as a possible look of discomfort as she
struggles and dangles helplessly between the world of arousal and euphoria. The
laughter is inside of her as she smiles, grunts and moans uncontrollably. The
sensations tickle her so badly, causing a smile to form inside of her, whether
she likes it or not. She may blush because she feels a bit silly and shy about
smiling so much, but it is all so arousing and blissful for her. Being tickled
makes her smile and makes her entire being grin with joy. She is just so happy
being tickled and sometimes, a large amount of laughter suddenly bursts out of
her. The laughter is sudden and delightfully surprising for both her and her
partner.
She is just so
totally aroused by what her partner is doing to her and if her partner uses
tickle-talk, it can literally send her over the edge into the deep end of the
tickle ocean. All of her daily tension is just melting away and as the tension
releases, she may find herself laughing a bit more, or moaning a bit more, or
needing to feel her partner’s fingers all over her ticklish flesh until she is
childlike and free once again. She may suddenly find herself laughing and
responding just as she did when she was a child.
As adults, we
tend to develop this shell of protection around us. That is another reason we
find ourselves unable to laugh like we once did as ticklish children long ago.
We become more cynical and uptight. We lose the childlike surprise and
wonderment that comes with tickling. We come to expect the tickling and often
protect ourselves from that childlike vulnerability we secretly long for as
stressed, sometimes highly overwrought adults. We become suspicious of those
tickling fingers that wiggle and threaten to disarm us until we are helpless
giggling children once again.
We may even be
afraid that tickling might make us feel closer to people until we are in over
our heads and vulnerable to heartbreak, where all the laughter would become
tears. Tickling does make us vulnerable, especially romantic tickling. As
humans, we do tend to protect ourselves. Tickling removes that protection and
our deep sense of control that stops us from surrendering ourselves to
intimacy. Though tickling does not always lead to intimacy, it has the
potential to, and it scares the lee to death sometimes.
The most
important thing for a ler to remember is to never make a lee feel
inadequate if they do not laugh all the time when being tickled. A selfish ler
does have the tendency to become obsessed with laughter to the point of
expecting a lot of it from the lee. That is unfair to the lee. A
ticklish person responds however they will respond and tickling causes many
responses and emotions to come bubbling up to the surface.
It may
sometimes be especially frustrating to some lees who do not laugh a lot
or who are not as ticklish as they would like to be, because they still have to
live with their tickling fetish. The fetish stays. It remains, despite the lee’s
inability to laugh and respond in a way that would greatly please the ler,
especially a dominant ler. Having a tickling fetish and not being super
ticklish, or not being able to laugh even if you are very ticklish, well, that
can be troublesome to the lee, but it is sometimes a frustrating
reality.
For a lee
who is struggling with this issue, an understanding ler is needed. The
key is patience. In reality, tickling takes work and is not as effortless as it
is in the tickling videos and the imagination. In the tickling videos, the lee
is always extremely ticklish and laughing their head off and the ler is
always a pro. That just simply is not reality all of the time.
Some lees
laugh intensely for a few minutes and then the laughter dies down a bit. Why is
that?
For many, the
ticklish sensations on a certain body part can be quite intense for a few
minutes but then, after that, the area being tickled becomes kind of numb and
can begin to feel slightly irritated and uncomfortable. So, while it is
important to stay on a ticklish area for as long as necessary to get a
response, it is equally important to know when to switch to a different tickle
zone and give the other area a rest. You can always revisit that area later.
So, in fantasy and tickling videos, a body part can be tickled relentlessly for
a long time, but in reality, that is rarely the case, unless of course the
desire is to cause discomfort and that is not the ultimate goal of tickling.
This is
tickling’s bottom line: arousal. People think laughter is the bottom line, but
that is a fantasy.
Feeling
pressured to laugh can lessen the tickling experience and make it much less enjoyable.
A frustrated lee who gets down on themselves because they don’t explode
with laughter is getting tangled up in unnecessary pressure. That kind of
pressure is non-productive and emotionally harmful to their sensuality.
It is similar
to sex. If a person feels pressured to orgasm, sex becomes tedious and a blow
to the self-esteem. Sex without an orgasm is okay, especially for women, who
often take longer to orgasm than men. That is why orgasm should not be the
response that trumps all other responses to sexual intercourse and laughter
should not be the only desired response and result of tickling. Orgasms in
response to sex and laughter in response to tickling are probable results, but
are not necessarily consistent responses and are not always realistic for
certain individuals for various reasons at various times in their lives.
Bottom line is
most people do not like to feel pressured about how to respond to being
tickled. Tickling should be enjoyable, not pressure.
So, if a lee
is not as ticklish as they once were, or as they would like to be, is there a
way to make them more ticklish? Yes, there are ways to increase ticklish
sensations. That is what my next chapter will discuss.
Copyright © 2015
Veronica Frances
Veronica Frances is the author of the gutsy, no-holds-barred
novel, Tickling Daphne H. Her new
non-fiction book Let’s
Talk About Tickling
sheds a refreshing new light on the subject.
She is known as the TickleWriter in some circles.
Veronica also writes under her real name, Stacey Handler.
Stacey is the author of The Body Burden;
Living In The Shadow Of Barbie. Her book was featured in Jump Magazine,
Australian Women’s Weekly, The National Enquirer, and several other
publications, radio shows and cable TV shows.
Stacey excels at public speaking, singing, composing, and
writing. She is a singer-songwriter, poet, and has written in many different
styles. She has an album and several singles available, including her two
popular anthems, Ain’t No Skinny Little
Thing and Soap Opera Diva.
She lives in New York City, where she continues to write
erotica, fiction, poetry and non-fiction.
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