Let’s Talk About Tickling is an honest, straightforward discussion about tickling. Discover the many different aspects of tickling—the fantasies, the realities, the many paradoxes of the tickling fetish and how to come to terms with ones own sensuality.
A refreshing and very welcome find, Let’s Talk About Tickling is for anyone who wishes to expand their awareness of tickling and other related fetishes. This book will be of great interest to anyone who wants to get in touch with their sensual self, whether they have a tickling fetish or not.
Author Veronica Frances offers her readers the chance to improve their relationships in and out of the bedroom by shining a light on the powerful significance of tickling. She reminds us that tickling is not merely the whisper of a feather on the flesh. It is an echo that calls us from deep within, beckoning us to listen and respond.
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Busting The Constant Laughter Myth
By Veronica Frances
This chapter will deal with busting the constant laughter myth that many people believe exists when it comes to tickling. Laughter is important and often desired by the lee and the ler, but that does not mean that laughter is always the default response to tickling.
This dilemma is a big part of the fantasy versus reality issue that lies deep within the complex walls of the tickling fetish.
First of all, here is one myth I must blow to smithereens. Just because somebody loves to be tickled and craves it like a chocoholic craves chocolate, does not mean that they are extremely ticklish, even if they want to be more than anything. They are turned on by tickling and terribly aroused by it. They may be quite ticklish. They may even laugh a good deal of the time. But in reality, they may not be quite as ticklish as they are in their very own fantasies, or as the lees are portrayed in tickling videos.
There are several reasons why this could be. They could become less ticklish as they get older. They may have less nerve sensitivity on certain parts of their body. Parts of them that used to be very ticklish may have become less ticklish over time. I often wonder if the brain somehow protects people who were tickled a lot as children or young adults. I wonder if people become somewhat desensitized to tickling over time. I sometimes wonder if tickling is a drug that becomes addictive mentally, but doesn’t work as well physically over time.
A friend of mine mentioned something interesting to me. He suggested that when a fetishist becomes overly obsessed with the thing they most desire, they become desensitized to it when it finally happens to them in reality. In the case of tickling, isn’t it possible that the highly obsessed tickle-fetishist has been fixated on their fantasies for so long that there is no possible way reality could ever live up to the fantasies?
How much the lee laughs while being tickled is not an accurate measure of how deep their love of tickling runs. The tickling fetish is a psychological response to loving tickling. Laughter is a physical response to being tickled. They are not really the same thing. A person can love tickling, but not be a big laugher. A person can laugh uncontrollably while being tickled, but hate tickling with a passion. Tickling is a sensation that causes many responses, some of which are psychological rather than just physical. The physical responses vary, according to many different factors.
Another reason for the laughter’s unpredictability could be that some people respond to tickling in accordance to their moods. Different moods lend themselves to different tickling experiences. It could also be dependent on circumstances, such as how comfortable the lee is and what the relationship is between the people involved. It could also have to do with health, how tired a person is, how their blood sugar runs, how much stress they are under, or maybe they had stomach surgery and are not as ticklish on their midriff as they used to be. There are multiple reasons why a lee might not laugh as much as expected while being tickled.
It can be very disheartening and frustrating for the lee when they realize they just simply are not that ticklish after all, or that they are unable to respond with extreme laughter. They realize they are sensitive to the sensations, but it just doesn’t make them laugh as much as they would like. The lee sometimes finds themselves wanting to laugh more, and for the tickling to make them respond the way they believe that they should, either because of how ticklish they used to be, or because they have seen many tickling videos, or have heard from others that laughter is expected in order for the tickling to be any fun.
Sure, I can understand it being a boring tickling experience if the lee does not respond at all, but if the lee responds with arousal and a big smile on their face and if the tickling makes them feel good and releases their stress, then the tickling experience is working its magic the way it’s supposed to.
So, that silly black and white assumption that the non-laughing lee is not ticklish is rubbish. They are just responding to the tickling however their body and mind allows them to.
Let’s get one thing straight. Tickling is fun, no matter how much or how little a person laughs. Sure, it is wonderful hearing somebody laugh and getting that hysterical response from a ticklish person, but the extreme arousal of that person is just as wonderful, if not more sometimes. Often, the arousal will eventually lead to laughter anyway, especially if the lee is properly caught off guard by a very patient ler.
Getting back to this laughter dilemma, isn’t it entirely possible that a tickle fetishist might find themselves less ticklish than originally believed, or less ticklish than they would truly like to be? How can the real-life experience possibly live up to the enormity of those larger than life fantasies? Those fantasies can actually tease and torture a tickle fetishist until they have to self-stimulate to get any relief. That is often no laughing matter for the struggling tickle-fetishist.
Speaking of the arousal factor, let’s talk about how arousal can actually affect a person’s laughter while being tickled, as well as possibly affect their level of ticklishness.
The non-laughing lee might simply be so aroused by the tickling that they can’t see straight. They are so aroused that they will gladly surrender and willingly raise their arms to receive tickling. Tickling feels very intense and erotic to them. It can feel strange and awkward, in a good way. The strange awkward sensation makes them want to respond and really doesn’t give them much choice as to how they respond.
There was one woman who expressed to me that tickling was extremely enjoyable to her, but she never seemed to laugh a lot during her experiences. She laughed quite a bit at times, but she was not a consistent laughter. She would become aroused and very excited, but sometimes the arousal actually prohibited the laughter from coming out.
I understand what she meant. If a person is so turned on by tickling, the arousal often trumps the laughter. If you do not laugh throughout the entire tickling experience, it does not mean that you are not ticklish. If you jump while fingers suddenly poke your sides and writhe while those same fingers trace your sides and underarms, you are still quite ticklish. If you smile and jump around while being tickled, you are also ticklish.
The woman also told me she had met up with a man she was hoping could be a tickle buddy. She needed and wanted to be tickled and she also had the desire to experiment with some light BDSM. The man she was meeting was dominant and most definitely a ler.
They met at a wine bar and started talking and getting to know each other. She soon realized that this man would be expecting her to laugh constantly while being tickled. He liked getting that extreme laughter response from his lees. When she told him that she didn’t always respond to tickling by laughing, it seemed to dampen his enthusiasm a bit. They ended up going their separate ways, but she felt it was for the best and that any man who tickled her would have accept her multitude of responses, as well as embrace them with an open mind.
As I have said and this woman obviously agrees, there is not one set response to tickling. It is not written in stone that a person has to laugh while being tickled. Everybody is different in the way they respond to tickling. Tickling causes such a large array of responses. There is anything from moaning, screaming, sudden orgasm, writhing with no sound, purring like a kitten, converting to a child, laughing in silence when it gets too overwhelming for sound even to come out, relaxation, strong sexual feelings followed by constant smiling, little giggles that come out sporadically, and maybe even sudden large bursts of laughter that come suddenly and without warning. I have even heard that some people feel so emotional when being tickled that they actually cry. If tickling is taken to the extreme, I have heard it can cause dizziness, lightheadedness and breathing issues. It also can cause panic, pain and hyperventilation in some people. That is why safewords are so important, so as to avoid the more unpleasant effects of tickling.
One of my favorite responses to tickling is snorting. Many people snort after a while when they laugh. Many people snort in response to tickling. They just can’t help themselves and it is a delightful response indeed, although it can tend to embarrass the helpless lee.
Another response is a delightful and sometimes very overwhelming feeling of euphoria. Tickling can cause people to feel high. It can often feel like floating on air. Sometimes it can feel like walking on a tightrope. The poor lee struggles to maintain their balance as the ler’s tickling fingers touch certain places, causing the lee’s balance and security to falter. The ler doesn’t care as they force the lee to respond to the tickles and lose their control. The poor lee feels as if they are dissolving into their very own responses. An experienced ler will get a response out of the lee, even if it is not always laughter. When an experienced ler decides that their lee will respond, then the lee will respond, as they twitch and moan with ticklish agony. Laughter may have very little to do with it at that point.
I recently saw a tickling video where a female dominatrix tickled her poor male lee nearly to death. He moaned and grunted, writhing uncontrollably and quickly losing control of his erection. He was aroused and tortured by the tickling and his very own responses. But, I didn’t hear much laughter in this video. He struggled against his restraints and his gag ball did little to tame his intense responses. The poor man hardly laughed at all, but was terribly ticklish and aroused to the point of orgasm.
What are some of the other reasons why laughter might not come out as much while a lee is being tickled? Well, another good reason is the ability of the lee to turn arousal into intense and very deep relaxation. I have discussed in previous chapters about tickling and relaxation. Some lees actually master the art of tickling and relaxation, sometimes to the point of being able to control the laughter.
Some lees can relax into the sensations and do not lose as much control in terms of the laughter, but still lose control in many other ways. They might not laugh as much because they are so incredibly tuned into their bodies that they can actually take in all the tickling sensations and process them as something blissful, emotional and yes, maybe even relaxing. However, if they are tense, tired or moody, or if they are caught off-guard or not feeling quite as grounded, they might feel the laughter welling up inside them and have no choice but to finally laugh in ticklish agony as their ler tickles them. A smart ler will take advantage of those times. Some lees are so sensitive, making them emotional and empathic, feeling every single tickle so intensely. Often, their laugher is internal and can eventually become external with the help of a kind and patient ler.
Let’s imagine a female lee who doesn’t laugh constantly while being tickled. Imagine her being tickled on the bottoms of her feet. She can feel the tickles very intensely as the fingers scratch up and down her soles, over and over again. The fingers scratch, dance, wiggle and caress the lee’s very ticklish foot. Her foot thrashes around helplessly. So, where is the laughter?
The smile on her face is the laughter, as well as a possible look of discomfort as she struggles and dangles helplessly between the world of arousal and euphoria. The laughter is inside of her as she smiles, grunts and moans uncontrollably. The sensations tickle her so badly, causing a smile to form inside of her, whether she likes it or not. She may blush because she feels a bit silly and shy about smiling so much, but it is all so arousing and blissful for her. Being tickled makes her smile and makes her entire being grin with joy. She is just so happy being tickled and sometimes, a large amount of laughter suddenly bursts out of her. The laughter is sudden and delightfully surprising for both her and her partner.
She is just so totally aroused by what her partner is doing to her and if her partner uses tickle-talk, it can literally send her over the edge into the deep end of the tickle ocean. All of her daily tension is just melting away and as the tension releases, she may find herself laughing a bit more, or moaning a bit more, or needing to feel her partner’s fingers all over her ticklish flesh until she is childlike and free once again. She may suddenly find herself laughing and responding just as she did when she was a child.
As adults, we tend to develop this shell of protection around us. That is another reason we find ourselves unable to laugh like we once did as ticklish children long ago. We become more cynical and uptight. We lose the childlike surprise and wonderment that comes with tickling. We come to expect the tickling and often protect ourselves from that childlike vulnerability we secretly long for as stressed, sometimes highly overwrought adults. We become suspicious of those tickling fingers that wiggle and threaten to disarm us until we are helpless giggling children once again.
We may even be afraid that tickling might make us feel closer to people until we are in over our heads and vulnerable to heartbreak, where all the laughter would become tears. Tickling does make us vulnerable, especially romantic tickling. As humans, we do tend to protect ourselves. Tickling removes that protection and our deep sense of control that stops us from surrendering ourselves to intimacy. Though tickling does not always lead to intimacy, it has the potential to, and it scares the lee to death sometimes.
The most important thing for a ler to remember is to never make a lee feel inadequate if they do not laugh all the time when being tickled. A selfish ler does have the tendency to become obsessed with laughter to the point of expecting a lot of it from the lee. That is unfair to the lee. A ticklish person responds however they will respond and tickling causes many responses and emotions to come bubbling up to the surface.
It may sometimes be especially frustrating to some lees who do not laugh a lot or who are not as ticklish as they would like to be, because they still have to live with their tickling fetish. The fetish stays. It remains, despite the lee’s inability to laugh and respond in a way that would greatly please the ler, especially a dominant ler. Having a tickling fetish and not being super ticklish, or not being able to laugh even if you are very ticklish, well, that can be troublesome to the lee, but it is sometimes a frustrating reality.
For a lee who is struggling with this issue, an understanding ler is needed. The key is patience. In reality, tickling takes work and is not as effortless as it is in the tickling videos and the imagination. In the tickling videos, the lee is always extremely ticklish and laughing their head off and the ler is always a pro. That just simply is not reality all of the time.
Some lees laugh intensely for a few minutes and then the laughter dies down a bit. Why is that?
For many, the ticklish sensations on a certain body part can be quite intense for a few minutes but then, after that, the area being tickled becomes kind of numb and can begin to feel slightly irritated and uncomfortable. So, while it is important to stay on a ticklish area for as long as necessary to get a response, it is equally important to know when to switch to a different tickle zone and give the other area a rest. You can always revisit that area later. So, in fantasy and tickling videos, a body part can be tickled relentlessly for a long time, but in reality, that is rarely the case, unless of course the desire is to cause discomfort and that is not the ultimate goal of tickling.
This is tickling’s bottom line: arousal. People think laughter is the bottom line, but that is a fantasy.
Feeling pressured to laugh can lessen the tickling experience and make it much less enjoyable. A frustrated lee who gets down on themselves because they don’t explode with laughter is getting tangled up in unnecessary pressure. That kind of pressure is non-productive and emotionally harmful to their sensuality.
It is similar to sex. If a person feels pressured to orgasm, sex becomes tedious and a blow to the self-esteem. Sex without an orgasm is okay, especially for women, who often take longer to orgasm than men. That is why orgasm should not be the response that trumps all other responses to sexual intercourse and laughter should not be the only desired response and result of tickling. Orgasms in response to sex and laughter in response to tickling are probable results, but are not necessarily consistent responses and are not always realistic for certain individuals for various reasons at various times in their lives.
Bottom line is most people do not like to feel pressured about how to respond to being tickled. Tickling should be enjoyable, not pressure.
So, if a lee is not as ticklish as they once were, or as they would like to be, is there a way to make them more ticklish? Yes, there are ways to increase ticklish sensations. That is what my next chapter will discuss.
Copyright © 2015 Veronica Frances
Veronica Frances is the author of the gutsy, no-holds-barred novel, Tickling Daphne H. Her new non-fiction book Let’s Talk About Tickling sheds a refreshing new light on the subject. She is known as the TickleWriter in some circles.
Veronica also writes under her real name, Stacey Handler. Stacey is the author of The Body Burden; Living In The Shadow Of Barbie. Her book was featured in Jump Magazine, Australian Women’s Weekly, The National Enquirer, and several other publications, radio shows and cable TV shows.
Stacey excels at public speaking, singing, composing, and writing. She is a singer-songwriter, poet, and has written in many different styles. She has an album and several singles available, including her two popular anthems, Ain’t No Skinny Little Thing and Soap Opera Diva.
She lives in New York City, where she continues to write erotica, fiction, poetry and non-fiction.
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