Why Men Cheat by Greg Middleton, Author of Real Men: What's Happening to Our Males?
Today's guest blogger is author Greg Middleton. From his first book, In Search of the Soul(Dorrance Publishing Company, 2002) Greg continued to read and record his thoughts and opinions as they were developing. Ever since that first book he has been writing feverishly. His second book Pearls of Wisdom, was published in 2003 by GEM Publications. Cold Tree Press published his third book, Food for the Soul in early 2005. His goal is to get as many of his completed works as possible into the hands of the readers whom they were intended to inspire.
In addition to being a writer, Greg is also a professional musician, Realtor, and a Professional Seminar Speaker. He and his wife Cynthia make their “Empty Nest” home in Altadena, California, and are ready to start on Phase Two, enjoying the grandchildren. Be on the lookout for more works from this prolific writer in the years to come.
Let’s be clear, you can’t cage all men in the same “pigpen.” What is good for one man isn’t always good for another. What one man may wear as a badge of honor, another avoids with every fiber of his willpower. To say all men cheat on their mates would be grossly incorrect. Since there is no official record of cheaters we can only guess the percentage of men that actually cheat on their mates. If there were such a poll, how many men would be willing to admit to being a cheater?
In order to address this subject perhaps we should start with understanding “ordinary male nature.” What force of nature compels men to operate naturally as they do? For whatever reasons the majority of healthy, heterosexual males are strongly, sexually attracted to females. From the time their hormones become active most things that males do are geared toward finding a way to experience the sex act with a live female. From the imagination, to masturbating, to actually having sexual intercourse with a female, men are compelled to deal with this very compelling natural attraction. This is partly by something they are born with and partly because of the constant bombardment of sexual erotic marketing geared directly toward males. Advertising agencies aggressively use sexual innuendo to advertise most common product to males.
Even before males are sophisticated enough to pay attention to marketing ads they have to deal with hormones that causes erotic imaginations, unwanted erections, wet dreams or otherwise, “sex on the brain.” There is something about a healthy male that causes his hormones to erupt from within. This inward drive requires self-control. Once the lure of sexual intercourse enters a male’s brain it seems to stay there until he actually “scores.” Males who are unable to score are forced to do other things to relieve themselves such as masturbation, pornography, or by other means such as involuntary releasing through wet dreams. Some even choose to acts out this drive in immorally.
The simple answer to the question of why men cheat is because they do not gain the upper hand (pun intended) on controlling their sexual desires. Even though the attraction is very strong, that alone is not a reason to have sex with any female that opens her legs in order to the satisfy his sexual appetite. Human males are expected to rise above their raw animal instincts.
Males who are unsuccessful at controlling this sexual urge shouldn’t commit to marriage until they are able to control their sex drive. Sex addicts are people who don’t have control over their sexual desires. Some individuals actually need psychological or other means of medical attention to help them deal with this problem. Others simply need to learn the art of self-control and/or will power. Just because you love something doesn’t mean that you must always have it. You may like sweets, but you realize that you can’t have them all the time. You may love your car, but you can’t be in it all the time. Just because you love something very much doesn’t mean that you must have it all the time. Self-control must be learned, will power must be learned, and morality must be learned.
For younger males there must be a willingness to be taught before they will open themselves to accept teaching. In dealing with sexual desires men need to examine themselves and find ways of controlling their nature. They cannot allow their nature to be in charge. I suppose that is why some men have been accused of being “dogs.”
Many men cheat just because they can. If the opportunity is there and they feel they can get away with it, many will cross the line. It is not a simply matter of knowing whether or not it is wrong. Resisting what you perceived to be wrong requires perfecting an inner power from within that compels an individual to make the best choices. If you do not have will power or self-control there are many things that you may allow yourself to do. Only those with high moral character and integrity seem to have what it takes to abstain from the temptation of doing things they know to be wrong.
It would be safe to assume that no man cheats on his mate hoping to get caught. Even though some may actually enjoy living dangerously, that usually implies that they think they are either smart enough, or savvy enough to get away with their devilish deeds. If their mate condoned such actions it would not be cheating. Very few relationships fall into that category. Cheaters are not people of high moral character. They do not have integrity, nor can they be trusted.
Men who cheat should take a very close look at themselves and see if they are the man that they intended to become. If cheating is something that he feels is fine then he should also acknowledge the fact that he is not a nice person. In our opinion he is far from being a “real man.” If you compare a cheater with murderers, thieves, child molesters, rapist and other warped minded individuals, are they that much different? Anyone that cannot control their actions knowing them to be wrong has a problem. They are a threat to themselves as well as to the people who are forced to deal with them. Cheaters fall into the class of lowly human beings. “Real men don’t cheat! That is not a part of their character. If you are a cheater I suggest that you get help.
Real Men is a book about the plight of males over the last century, how they have become displaced by the changes in our society and lost of a distinct role.
You can purchase Real Men: What's Hapenning to Our Males? at Amazon.com.