Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein returns to The Book Connection today as our guest blogger. I'm sure you'll enjoy what she has to say.
It's The Truth! The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything) Encourages Better Relationships Between Mothers and Daughters! By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Feeling safe to communicate feelings and thoughts, no matter how personal and/or negative, rather than acting them out, is very important in child and adolescent development. It is so important, that as a positive psychologist, ways of stimulating better communication is always on my mind. The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) has imbedded in it many themes that are specifically designed to augment the success of mom and daughter sharing meaningfully their thoughts and feelings. Let's look at several:
* The Truth helps move girls, tweens, teens and their moms closer to honest communicating. Every page brings to light feelings and thoughts so universal in nature that almost any page can be used to stimulate mother and daughter via discussion, moving toward a more honest and open place with each other. For example, the universal issue of a first crush. The girl says on page 81, "I'm heartsick because I don't think Paul loves me. I send him signals all day long. I look at him as much as possible....But I have to admit I'm getting discouraged." This entry can be used in so many ways to better communicate. Mom could share her own memories of a first crush. Her daughter could share her feelings about crushes. The topic could then turn to questions and thoughts around developing physically, emotionally and sexually. The door can be left open for more sharing around this topic. And of course, the sense of shared girlhood combined with the generational sharing of being female can help to bond mom and daughter for years to come.
* The Truth gives a platform for kids to work through negative feelings about conflict and gives parents a new way of seeing conflict from the vantage point of how it affects their kids. For example, on page 22, the girl writes in her diary, "I could teach my mom and dad so much, if only they would listen....They waste so much time fighting, and before you know it, everyone's mood is sad or angry and the day is ruined." Now this is a great opener for discussion between mom and her daughter around conflict in the family. Very often moms forget, and dads also, how much a kid feels upset by squabbles in the home. Sharing when we feel upset at home and when we feel good at home, can help to make more meaningful real efforts to upgrade our behaviors by all the members of the family.
* The Truth helps girls see that they are not alone, by being able to so easily identify with the 'girl' who is sharing her most personal feelings and thoughts with them directly, via diary form. If Mom also reads The Truth and shares more of her thoughts and feelings while also listening to her daughter's 'real' voice, then as mom and daughter move through the girl, tween and teen stages together, the daughter will feel understood and will be at less risk for feeling alone. This is a critical issue in development, as it is very important for kids to feel connected and understood by family members, even as they move away from the family in so many ways as they grow. For example, a girl who feels understood by her mom, will come and talk to her if she is being bullied by another kid. This is important, as in today's world a girl living alone with her hurts and pain and fear around being bullied can be putting herself at risk. Bullying can be dangerous psychologically and physically and needs the input and help of a mother.
I hope you have enjoyed seeing how The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything) can be used to encourage a better relationship between mom and daughter, augment positive family life and help in problem solving serious social issues.
THE TRUTH VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR NOV '08 will officially begin on November 3 and end on November 26. You can visit Dr. Barbara's blog stops at www.virtualbooktours.wordpress.com in November to find out more about their latest book!
As a special promotion for all our authors, Pump Up Your Book Promotion is giving away a FREE virtual book tour to a published author or a $50 Amazon gift certificate to those not published who comments on our authors' blog stops. More prizes will be announced as they become available. The winner will be announced on November 30 at http://pumpupyourbookpromotion.wordpress.com/!